


break my wings, i’ll still learn to fly

by RootsArrow (SparklingDarkAngel)



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Physical Abuse, other characters to be added later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22264084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingDarkAngel/pseuds/RootsArrow
Summary: Thea Smith is in an abusive relationship. PC Yasmin Khan knows it, even if Thea won’t admit it. Then one day, Yaz gets the call that will change her life and Thea’s life forever. Thea may be free from her abuser physically, but mentally she is still imprisoned. Luckily, Yaz is going to be with her every step of the way.
Relationships: Grace O'Brien/Graham O'Brien, Heather (Doctor Who: The Pilot)/Bill Potts, Thirteenth Doctor & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan), Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 149
Kudos: 215





	1. bleeding out

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not ignore the trigger/content warnings in the tags!
> 
> I chose Altheta to be this Doctor’s name for a couple of reasons. 1. The Doctor’s name in the academy era was Theta Sigma. 2. Altheta means “healer”, kind of like a doctor. 3. THea, THirteen.

_He pushes you around_

_Hits you another time_

_You don’t make a sound_

_No matter what I say_

_My words are empty_

_If you can’t hear me shouting out_

_Well I can’t save you now_

_If you won’t let me_

_The scars no one can see bleeding out_

_-Stitched Up Heart_

* * *

  
“PC Khan, how can I help you?”

As soon as Yaz read the number of the caller on her phone, her heart sank down into her stomach. It was the local hospital, and they usually only called for one reason. 

“Hi PC Khan, this is Sheffield Center Hospital. There’s been another incident. It’s _her_ again.”

The receptionist’s voice was low and hushed. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation. By “her”, Yaz knew exactly who she was talking about: Altheta “Thea” Smith. She was frequently at the hospital for “accidents”, usually “falls” that left marks inconsistent with the claimed accident and looked more like they were made by another person. Over the past few months, Yaz had been over countless times to talk to Thea, yet it always ended the same. She said that she fell, that she was so clumsy, and that it was all her fault. 

Yaz sighed as she started her car and began the drive to the hospital. It wasn’t very far away, but the pit in her stomach made it feel endless. Maybe it was selfish, but she didn’t want to see this woman again. It just hurt too much to see her, a textbook domestic violence victim, lying to cover her boyfriend’s arse again and again even as she lay black and blue. 

When she reached the hospital, the receptionist immediately gave Yaz Thea’s room number, 013. No one looked twice at the officer as she walked down the halls. The staff were all familiar with her by now, about as familiar as they were with their patient, Thea. 

Nurse Hame stood guard outside Thea’s room. She smiled at Yaz, but it was obviously forced. Her eyes were dark and sad. “I already told her you were coming,” she said. “She’s not happy about it.”

“No, I wouldn’t think so,” Yaz replied sourly. “Where’s Masters?”

Hame wrinkled her nose. “Getting coffee,” she answered in disgust. 

Owen Masters was Thea’s boyfriend. Yaz had met the prestigious CEO of Masters Industries many times now. Whenever Thea got hurt, he was always there with half-arsed concern, though his face looked more smug than anything. 

Before entering Thea’s room, Yaz rapped lightly against the doorframe. Thea looked up nervously, wringing her hands together. The other woman sat criss-cross on the hospital bed in a frail hospital gown that fell over her shoulder and revealed the tattoo just under her collarbone: two hearts interlinked. There was dark bruising around her shoulder that looked suspiciously like a handprint, but what really got Yaz’s attention was her face. Her blonde hair had been pulled back out of it in a ponytail behind her. She had a black eye on her right side and a line of stitches running from her brow to her temple. 

“PC Khan,” Thea greeted with a forced, uneasy smile. “I hope you didn’t come all the way out here just for me.”

Yaz returned Thea’s smile with her own, sad one. “You know the routine, Thea,” she replied. “And call me Yaz. We’re friends, right?”

“Of course,” Thea answered, casting her eyes downward to her hands wringing together in her lap. “How can I help you, Yaz?”

“May I sit?” Yaz asked, gesturing to the side of Thea’s bed. The other woman nodded, and Yaz gently sat on the edge. Thea still wouldn’t meet her eyes. “How did you get these injuries, Thea?”

“I fell,” Thea answered mechanically. “I hit the corner of the desk. It’s nothing to be concerned about. I told you, I’m really very clumsy.”

Yaz looked Thea up and down. She seemed so small, sitting there in a hospital gown curling in on herself. “Thea, those are some awfully big bruises for hitting the desk,” Yaz observed. 

“It was a big desk,” Thea replied defensively. “Is O back? I really want to tell him that I’m okay.”

“Masters has not returned from his coffee break,” Yaz answered, not bothering to hide the disgust in her voice. 

Thea’s face crumpled in disappointment. “Oh,” she sighed. 

Yaz’s stomach clenched. This was always the hardest part of every visit, watching her hopefully look around for Masters and looking crushed when he disappeared. Then came the questions. “Thea, you know I have to ask. Has he hurt you in any way physically?”

Now Thea met her eyes, startled. “O would never hurt me!” she exclaimed. “He’s the sweetest, really, and it’s not his fault I’m so clumsy. He loves me.”

“Alright Thea,” Yaz replied, dejected but not surprised. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her business card. “Take this. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will,” Thea replied, but Yaz knew it was a lie. 

The young constable walked out of the little hospital room. To her displeasure, Masters was standing outside with a smirk on his face. “How is she?” he asked. 

“She’ll live,” Yaz snapped. Her temper was boiling, and she was ready to deck the man right in the face. 

“I’m so relieved,” Masters replied with a smile that made the hair on the back of Yaz’s neck stand on end. “She is _so_ clumsy. I worry about her _so_ much.”

“I’m sure you do,” Yaz replied dryly. The man frowned and glared, but he didn’t say anything more as she stalked away. Unfortunately, there was nothing more she could do for Thea. There was nothing to incriminate Masters, so he continued to get away with it. 

* * *

The ride back to O’s penthouse was a long and quiet one for Thea. O glared daggers at her when his eyes weren’t on the road. She shivered, despite the heat being turned up in the Rolls Royce. She hated it when he was mad at her, and of course it was always her fault. If she hadn’t upset him earlier, he wouldn’t have sliced her head open with his ring when he struck her, she wouldn’t have needed stitches, and that cop Yaz wouldn’t have had any reason to snoop around. Why did she have to be so stupid? She should have never told him that she wouldn’t be able to attend his charity event because of her own job at the animal shelter. Of course he didn’t even like that she worked at all, but she told him that she needed something to do besides sit around the penthouse and miss him all day. Besides, she still found the time to do all of the cleaning and cooking for him. 

After not saying a word the whole way home, O stood on his balcony, sulking. Thea went to work immediately, cleaning up the dishes that broke when she fell backwards into the table after he struck her. Thea’s tailbone still hurt from that, but she wasn’t going to complain. Instead, she was going to buy him some new dishes because it was her fault that they broke, and O would be even angrier if she didn’t. 

When she was finished, she went outside to see O. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him, but his stern features stopped her. He was still very angry. 

“I’m sorry, O,” Thea apologized softly. 

“I don’t like that cop,” O snarled, turning to look at her. “Why was she there? Did you call her?”

Thea’s heart jumped in alarm. “No, no, of course not! Nothing’s wrong, so why would I call a cop?”

O sighed. “I don’t know Altheta, but you seemed pretty friendly with her.”

“I was just being polite,” Thea explained in a rush. “I’m so sorry, I won’t do it again.”

As O looked back over at her, his expression softened. “You know I love you, right?” he asked. Thea nodded quickly. “I just can’t help it that you make me so mad, but I’m still here. God knows nobody would take care of you if I left you, so don’t let me catch you talking to that cop again.”

A pit opened up in Thea’s stomach. Yaz’s card in her back pocket weighed heavily on her. She knew she should just rip it up and throw it away, but something made her pause. These days, she felt less and less easy around O, and even though she knew he loved her and would never do anything to really hurt her, there was still a doubt lingering in the back of her mind, worried that one day O might take things too far. Without thinking much about it, she had programmed the cop’s number into her phone before she’d left the hospital, once she was able to sneak away from O to use the loo. She didn’t assign a name to it in case O saw it when he was going through her phone. When he inevitably asked, she would say it’s just a secondary work number. 

“I promise, next time she comes, I’ll turn her away. I’ll yell and scream at her if I have to,” Thea said. 

_THWACK!_

Without warning, O struck her hard across the face with the back of his hand. Thea stood in shock, holding her sore cheek. She didn’t understand what she had done wrong this time. At least he hadn’t been wearing his ring this time. 

“Make sure there isn’t a next time,” O snarled. “Or I’ll dump your pathetic arse out onto the street. Where will you go then? You’re useless. Nobody will take you in.”

Thea nodded shakily. He was right of course. He always was. 

His gaze softened. He reached out and caressed her hurt cheek with gentle fingers. “You silly thing,” he said fondly. “Look what you’ve made me do. I just love you so much that you make me so mad sometimes. I’m only looking out for you. God knows somebody has to.”

“Yes, Masters,” Thea replied, bowing her head. He liked it when she called him by his last name. She saved it for when she made him really angry, hoping to earn forgiveness fast. 

O grinned, looking like a feral wolf. It was working. 

* * *

Yasmin Khan had a raging headache by the time she arrived at her flat. Her day hadn’t gotten any better after seeing Thea. She couldn’t focus on anything else besides the woman she so desperately wanted to help. It was eating her alive. 

“I’m home,” she called out to her flatmate, Ryan. 

“Hey Yaz,” he greeted her as she walked into the sitting room. He looked up from the television. “Are you still hungry? I left dinner out for you.”

“Starving,” Yaz answered honestly. “I could really use a drink too.”

Ryan frowned, his forehead crinkling with worry. “What happened?”

Yaz sighed. “The hospital called. It was _her_ again.”

Her work phone rang suddenly, causing her to jump a little. She whipped it out of her pocket and checked the number. It was unfamiliar. She answered. “PC Khan, how can I help you?”

“Yaz!” a familiar voice softly cried from the other end. It was Thea. “You have to help me! I think he might actually kill me!”

In the background, another familiar voice was shouting. “DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULDN’T FIND OUT THAT YOU KEPT THAT COP’S CARD? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING, ALTHETA? SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TEACH YOU A LESSON, YOU PIECE OF SHITE!”

Thea screamed, and the line went dead. Ryan was staring at Yaz, eyes wide with horror. Without another word, Yaz sprinted back outside to her work car, slid in, and turned the engine on. 

“This is PC Khan,” she said into the radio. “I’m responding to a threat of assault at 4113 High Street. I repeat, that is 4113 High Street. I need all available units on scene as well as an ambulance on standby.”

She barely heard the replies. Her siren wailed, and her foot was heavy as lead on the gas pedal. Blood pounded in her ears. She sped, and cars parted the way for her, but it just wasn’t fast enough. 

Finally, she arrived at the penthouse. To her relief, she wasn’t the first on the scene. Officers were entering the flat, asking questions. Yaz wasted no time, not even turning her car off as she threw the door open and began her sprint inside. 

The lifts were surrounded, so Yaz turned to the stairs. With adrenaline coursing through her bloodstream, she took the steps two at a time. Her feet pounded hard, as did her heart in her chest. By the time she reached the top, her legs were screaming in pain, but she ignored it and moved forwards, opening the door to the penthouse with a swift kick. 

The sight that awaited her inside was one that would haunt her forever. Masters stood in the middle of the sitting room holding Thea up by her neck. The couch behind him had been overturned, and broken glass lay scattered on the floor. Thea’s feet kicked uselessly at the air, and her feeble hands clawed at the ones crushing her neck. 

Yaz drew her weapon and clicked the safety off. “POLICE! HANDS ON YOUR HEAD NOW AND GET ON THE GROUND!” she shouted. 

Masters released Thea, and she collapsed to the floor in a gasping heap. He calmly complied, placing his hands behind his head and kneeling down. Cops appeared from behind her, swarming Masters. Someone put him in cuffs and hauled him away. Meanwhile, Yaz holstered her gun and ran to Thea’s side. She knelt beside the other woman, taking in her appearance. The stitches from earlier had been ripped open, and she was bleeding from the other side of her forehead. Her pupils were wide, and her gaze was unfocused. Already, purple bruises were forming on her neck in the shape of Masters’ fingers. Her breathing was rough and haggard. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” Yaz assured Thea. “I’ve got you now.”

Thea nodded, and Yaz swooped her up bridal style. The other cops cleared the way for her as she hurried into the lift and took it down to the ground. The ambulance had arrived outside with the response team standing by. Yaz moved as fast as she could without jostling the battered woman in her arms, and the response team met her halfway with a rolling stretcher. Gently, she laid Thea down. “I’m gonna follow you there, alright Thea?” she promised. Thea gave no indication that she had heard Yaz at all. 

As Yaz tailed the speeding ambulance, a tsunami of emotions threatened to drown her. Of course she was terrified for Thea, and her heart ached for everything she’d been through, but she also felt a sense of relief because Thea was finally away from that monster. Masters was going to prison, and he wouldn’t be able to hurt her again. 

Yaz felt numb as she arrived at the hospital and followed Thea inside. She was rushed instantly to a doctor; Doctor Martha Jones. Over the roaring of blood in Yaz’s head, she picked up the diagnoses- concussion and broken ribs. There was nothing that wouldn’t heal within a reasonable time, except perhaps Thea’s mental state. 

“Do you have any friends or family members I can call?” Dr. Jones asked. 

Thea shook her head weakly. “No, none of those,” she answered. “Only O. Oh, and Yaz, she’s my friend.”

Dr. Jones looked sadly at the PC. “Will you be staying with her then?”

“Yes,” Yaz answered automatically. Her heart felt like it was being crushed by Masters’ tight fist. It wasn’t a surprise that Thea had been totally isolated from everyone except Masters, but it still hurt. With the adrenaline wearing off, Yaz collapsed into a chair by Thea’s bed. Her legs ached, and hot tears began to fall down her face. She’d been wanting to save Thea for so long now but not like this, all battered and bruised. 

“I’ll have someone bring you a cot,” Dr. Jones told her. “Looking at her record, am I correct in assuming that she is a victim of domestic abuse?”

Yaz could only nod. A lump formed in her throat, making it too hard for her to talk. 

“We’ll take care of your friend,” Dr. Jones promised. “But afterwords, does she have anywhere to go? We can recommend some good shelters that will take her in.”

“No,” Yaz responded gruffly. “There’s no need. She’s going to stay with me until she gets back on her feet.”

Dr. Jones nodded. Yaz thought she smiled, but she couldn’t be sure. It was a rash decision, but she had no regrets. Now all that was left to do was to call Ryan and inform him about the situation. 


	2. bad dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thea reflects on the differences between O and Yaz.

_Feels like I’m falling into a world_

_Into a world I can’t control_

_I hear it calling down in my soul_

_Gripping my bones, it won’t let go_

_Wake me up_

_Won’t you wake me up?_

_Caught in a bad dream_

_Caught in a bad dream  
-Ruelle_

* * *

  
The next afternoon, Yaz was driving home with Thea. 

The other woman wanted nothing to do with the hospital, and Yaz didn’t blame her. Dr. Jones was very professional, but all the nurses looked at her with pity. Plus the whole place was sure to hold bad memories for her given the number of times Masters had put her in there. 

“You sure it’s not too much?” Thea asked for the umpteenth time. 

“Positive,” Yaz answered. “Like I said, we’re friends, and friends take care of each other.”

Thea still looked unsure, but she seemed to accept this answer. She rode the rest of the way in silence hunched in on herself, trying to make herself as small as possible. It was a survival tactic, Yaz figured, after living with her abuser for so long. It broke Yaz’s heart, but she kept her expression void of anything that might resemble pity. It wasn’t what Thea needed now. 

Yaz parked on the street outside her flat. “This is home,” she announced. She got out of her car and came around the other side to help Thea get out. The other woman accepted her help, leaning on her a little bit as they walked up to the flat. 

“Let’s get you comfortable,” Yaz said, steering Thea towards the sitting room. Ryan was already there reading his book as he waited for Yaz to come home, but he wasn’t alone. His grandparents, Grace and Graham O’Brien were there too, cleaning up the place. When they heard Yaz and Thea come in, Grace greeted them with a big, warm smile. 

“I hope you two are hungry, because I’ve made the best casserole you’ll ever eat in your life,” she announced. Her eyes twinkled. That’s what Yaz always loved about Grace. No matter the situation, Grace was there to make it better with her calming presence. 

The smell from the kitchen filled the air. “I’m starving,” Yaz replied. She hadn’t eaten much at the hospital, and her stomach felt like it was shrinking in on itself. To make its point, it grumbled loudly, causing Ryan, Grace, and Graham to laugh. “What about you, Thea? Surely you need something to eat too. And I’m sure Grace is dying to hear your opinion on her cooking. I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t love it.”

Thea shuffled her feet nervously and lowered her gaze. “Yes ma’am, I would love to try your casserole,” she said, directing her answer at Grace. 

Grace frowned slightly. “You seem uncomfortable, dear. Are you in much pain?”

“Only when I breathe,” Thea replied with a forced smile and short laugh. If she was trying to lighten the mood, it fell flat. Like Grace, Yaz frowned as she looked over Thea. Now that the panic from yesterday had worn off, it was occurring to her just how little she knew about the other woman. Yet she had invited Thea into her home without a second thought. There was something unexplainable about her. Yaz trusted her instantly. 

* * *

Their first meeting had been rough for Yaz. 

She was no stranger to hospitals. Her job often required her to visit. However, she had never felt such unease before in a hospital room. 

The woman before her, Altheta Smith, was entirely too calm given the state of her injuries. She had a split lip. Dried blood and bruises stained the right corner of her mouth. Her nose was also covered in dried blood. The doctor said it was broken. Perhaps the most disturbing, though, was the bloody mess on her ear where it looked like somebody had grabbed one of her earrings and ripped it right out of the cartilage. 

“Altheta Smith,” Yaz began. “I’m PC Yasmin Khan, but you can just call me Yaz. Don’t think of me as a cop. I’m here as a friend to help you.”

“Call me Thea,” the other woman replied. “And I appreciate it, but I’m afraid I don’t understand. What is it you’re here to help me with?”

Yaz suppressed a sigh. The last thing this woman needed was to think she was being down-talked to, especially since everyone knew how she got those injuries. Still, she had to ask. “Thea, how did you get those injuries?”

The effect was immediate. Thea paled, and her hazel eyes shifted nervously away. “I fell down the stairs,” she said, her voice trembling slightly. 

Yaz had been trained on how to handle situations of domestic abuse, but nothing could have prepared her for the cold horror that washed over her when Thea lied to cover up who hurt her. Already Yaz knew the stranger deserved better than what she was getting at home. Butterflies formed in her tummy, but for other reasons. Thea was so beautiful. Her clothes, the long coat and suspenders, practically screamed “I’m not straight”! Her hazel eyes sparkled like gold in the hospital lighting, and yet she looked so dead inside. Yaz wondered what it would be like to make her smile. 

“And fell on your face?” Yaz asked with thinly veiled skepticism. 

Thea squirmed uncomfortably. “That’s right,” she answered, and Yaz felt her soul screaming inside. Yaz’s own soul hurt, seeing this woman like this. Why did she choose to suffer to protect this person? But she knew domestic abusers are good at making their victims feel trapped, so it likely didn’t even feel like a choice to her. 

“Will you tell me what happened to your ear?” Yaz asked. 

“I must have caught it on something when I fell,” Thea mumbled unconvincingly. Her hand moved up to touch the bloody spot, probably subconsciously. “My earring, that is.”

Yaz frowned sympathetically. “That must hurt like a bitch,” she commented. 

Thea gave a light laugh. “It does. It’s my own fault though. I’m really very clumsy.”

_Clumsy_. The ultimate cover-up line. Yaz stepped forward and, not really sure of what came over her, reached out her hand to brush Thea’s hair out of her face. 

And Thea _flinched_. Yaz retracted her hand instantly, feeling sick to her stomach. 

At that moment, someone else walked into the room. Yaz recognized him immediately. “Owen Masters? How can I help you?” she asked. 

Masters smiled at her, and the hairs all over the back of her neck and arms rose. “Oh, I just want to make sure my girlfriend’s okay.” He said it lightheartedly though with a light smirk that left Yaz with no doubt who had actually hurt Thea. 

She promised herself that she would bring him down one way or another. 

* * *

Everything felt so wrong. Thea sat on Yaz’s couch eating comfort food somebody else had made while this woman she’d never met before, Grace O’Brien, fussed over her, adjusting the cushions until she achieved maximum comfort for Thea. Didn’t Grace know that her injuries were her own fault? She didn’t deserve care, but it was rude to turn it down. 

After Ryan’s grandparents left, Thea went to the kitchen to wash the dishes but Yaz gently ordered her back to the couch. Now Thea was just confused. She had to sit back and let everyone else do the caring while not being allowed to earn her keep? That didn’t seem fair at all. If they didn’t let her do any work, how long would it be until they kicked her out? 

When Yaz was done with the dishes, she came back into the sitting room and sat next to Thea. She reached out towards her face, and Thea shrunk back. Was Yaz mad? Did she want to hurt her? Yaz’s fingers paused just centimeters away from her temple, then she pulled them back. Her dark eyes had a sad look in them, and Thea dropped her own eyes. Was Yaz disappointed in her?

“How are you feeling?” Yaz asked. 

Thea looked back up, surprised. “I’m fine,” she answered. “Why do you keep asking?”

“Because you have a concussion and three broken ribs,” Yaz stated plainly, looking even sadder. “I told you, I’m taking care of you.”

That was the thing Thea didn’t understand. O took care of her because she cleaned for him, cooked for him, and sexually satisfied him. Yet here Yaz was offering her home without asking for something in return. There had to be a catch. Thea just didn’t know what it was yet. 

“What do you want from me?” Thea asked. With O, at least she knew what to expect. Right now, she was scared. 

Yaz’s eyes widened in surprise and maybe even hurt. “I just want you to get better,” she said. 

Thea squinted. “No. Nobody helps me without wanting something in return.”

“I told you, I’m your friend,” Yaz insisted, her eyes watering a little. “That’s what friends do.”

_Friends_. She’d always had trouble making friends as a child, especially being the foster kid at boarding school. Even as an adult, friendship wasn’t something that came easy to her. For whatever reason, people just didn’t seem to want to stay. And then she’d met O, and he didn’t really like it when she talked to other people, but that was okay because finally, somebody stayed. 

Then in a cruel twist of fate, she’d been forced to leave him. 

“Alright... Yaz,” Thea said, looking up into the other woman’s eyes again. “Thank you.”

Yaz’s face seemed to melt into relief. “You’re welcome, Thea. I’m gonna get you some pillows and blankets. We’ll pull out the couch and get you as comfortable as possible.”

Thea nodded, and Yaz turned away to retrieve the bedding. After a moment, Thea began to follow behind. Her bare feet hardly made a sound against the wooden floor. She hesitated at the corner Yaz had turned down when she heard a different, hushed voice. 

“How long is she staying?” Ryan asked. 

“I don’t know,” Yaz replied. “I hadn’t thought that far. All I know is that she needs help, and Ryan, I think I’m her only friend.”

“You have a big heart, Yaz,” Ryan said. “I’m glad she’s finally safe. I saw how much it hurt you to watch her hurting.”

She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but Thea couldn’t just unhear what had been said, and she definitely couldn’t ask Yaz if it was true. Honestly, she wasn’t sure what to make of the idea that Yaz had been hurting every time they met in the hospital. Didn’t Yaz know it was her own fault? Clearly she didn’t, which caused Thea to question herself. 

_What if it wasn’t actually her fault_? 


	3. broken things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a panic attack ensues and Yaz almost kills a man.

_As the sun comes down over your regrets_

_It takes time to heal the pain_

_But from the scars we will learn_

_One two three_

_The count of your lies_

_I can see right through your eyes_

_Read my lips_

_I cannot fix all the broken things inside my mind_

_-Lacuna Coil_

* * *

Thea called the animal shelter, and they told her not to return until she was all healed up lest a large dog jump on her and make it worse. 

Yaz, unfortunately, had no such excuse and had to return to work early the next morning. 

  
“Are you sure you’ll be alright here by yourself?” Yaz asked for the umpteenth time. 

“I’m sure,” Thea answered, also for the umpteenth time. “Besides, Ryan will be here too. It’s his off day.”

Yaz looked to Ryan who smiled at her, and she nodded. “Alright you two,” she said. “Remember, my shift is over at 15:00. Thea, we’ll go to the penthouse to collect your stuff when I get back. Until then, take it easy. You seem to keep forgetting that you’re injured. And Ryan, don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do.”

Ryan grinned. “There go my plans to do some mad, daredevil stunts,” he teased. “We’ll just be here, getting to know each other.”

The idea had Thea nervous. She wasn’t used to being without her job when she didn’t have O. While Ryan had been kind so far, he was still a stranger. Knowing her, she was just going to be weird and scare him off. But at least her life wasn’t in danger anymore, right? 

Once Yaz left into the cool, dark morning, Ryan directed his smile at her. “Would you like some coffee?” he asked. “My grandma taught me how to make it, so you know it’s got to be good.”

For a moment, Thea studied Ryan’s face. This all seemed wrong. _She_ was the one who made people coffee, not the other way around. Now she was stuck between not wanting to bother Ryan and not wanting to be rude. 

Somehow Ryan seemed to pick up on her internal struggle. “It’s not a bother. I’m already making some for myself. It would be nice to have someone to share it with, but if you don’t like coffee I understand,” he said. 

“I’d like some,” Thea decided. Ryan’s smile grew wider, and some of the tension left Thea’s body. Coffee she could do. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. 

She followed him into the kitchen and, not really having anything else to do, watched him mess with the coffee maker. “So, you work at an animal shelter?” Ryan asked, making small talk. 

“I do,” Thea answered. “But they won’t let me return until my head and my ribs have healed.”

Ryan chuckled a little. “You know, most people aren’t quite so eager to get back to work,” he said. “I’d be enjoying every second I could get of a vacation from the warehouse.” 

“The animal shelter isn’t bad,” Thea replied, a shy, natural smile gracing her face. “The animals there are lost, hurt, and scared, and they need someone to care for them and show them kindness and help them find a home. I like that I can be that person for them.”

That wasn’t unlike herself, now that she thought about it. Lost, hurt, and scared she may be, but she wasn’t an innocent animal. She’d made her own mess. She didn’t deserve the help Yaz was trying to give her. She needed to stop comparing herself to a puppy. 

While she was lost in thought, Ryan finished the coffee and poured a mug for her. He went to hand it to her, but they both fumbled in the transition, and the ceramic mug fell to the ground, shattering and scratching up bits of the floor. Thea felt like her heart stopped as she stared down at the mess in cold horror. Somewhere in her head she heard Ryan cursing, but she couldn’t process it. 

Her head snapped up, looking wide-eyed. “I’m so sorry! I-I didn’t mean- I’m just so _clumsy_ \- but I’ll buy you a new one!”

“No, that’s okay Thea, it’s just a cheap mug. We have others mugs, alright?”

Thea could barely hear him, already swallowed up by her own dark thoughts. She _broke_ the mug. They invited her into her home, and she _broke_ something. They were going to kick her out for sure now, even if Ryan seemed calm now. O did that too. He would act calm at first then snap at her later. 

Ryan reached out for her to place his hands on her upper arms, and Thea stumbled back into the counter, hitting her back against the hard edge. “No, d-don’t hurt me, please,” she begged. She closed her eyes and tensed her muscles, bracing herself for the hit. 

It never came. Instead, Ryan took her hands and led her back into the sitting room. “I’m not going to hurt you, Thea,” he promised. “The mug isn’t important. Sit down. Take a few deep breaths.”

Obediently, Thea sat back on the pullout she’d used for a bed. She heard Ryan’s words, but she couldn’t focus. Her fear had triggered memories that she couldn’t just push out of her head. 

* * *

“Altheta, I’m home,” O called out into the quiet penthouse. “That stew better be ready!”

“It is!” Thea called back from the kitchen. “Sit down, and I’ll bring you a bowl.”

The bowl was hot. Steam still rose from the stew, just the way O liked it. Her hands stung a little from the heat, but she ignored it. O was more important right now. As she walked towards him, her feet got caught up in the jacket O had left on the floor, and she slipped backwards, landing hard on her rear. Hot broth splashed on her, and the bowl slipped from her hands, shattering on the floor. Thea hissed in pain at the heat against her skin. 

O stood quickly from the couch and fixed a glare on her. “Useless idiot,” he grumbled, stalking towards her. Thea lowered her head, ashamed and scared. He grabbed her roughly by the arm and yanked her back to her feet, creating a burning pain in her shoulder. “I just ask for one thing when I get home, and you manage to muck that up!” 

“I-I’m sorry,” Thea stuttered. “I’ll get you more! I’ll replace the bowl!”

It wasn’t enough to appease him. O shoved her hard into the wall, and her head made a sickening _THUD_ as it connected. “I’ll do it myself before you completely ruin my appetite.”

He walked away, leaving Thea with a throbbing in her head and tears in her eyes. 

* * *

As soon as Yaz walked into the station, she felt her blood boiling with anger. Talking to the captain was a very expensive-looking solicitor whom she could only assume was here for Masters. She stalked her way over to Sergeant Sunders, side-eying him the whole time. His demeanor was calm and professional, which somehow ticked Yaz off even more. “Who is that?” she demanded. 

“That’s Daniel Barton, the richest solicitor in all of Britain,” Sunders explained. 

“And he’s here for Masters?” Yaz questioned. 

Sunders nodded. “He’s trying to get Masters bail.”

Blood started to pound in Yaz’s head as hot rage flared up inside her. She stalked towards him in a way that made everyone’s heads turn to look at her. Even the captain looked a bit scared as she approached, but Barton just watched her with a cold smile. “Good morning, officer. Is everything alright?”

“Sir, your client was witnessed assaulting a woman,” she informed him. “There is no bail for that.”

“Ah yes, your captain was just telling me about that,” Barton replied. “Apparently there was only one witness- a young officer looking to climb the career ladder.”

Yaz’s vision blurred a little as she stared at the solicitor in disbelief. “Are you questioning me?” she asked, her voice going dangerously quiet. “Maybe I’m the only witness, but there’s a victim and a doctor’s report that confirms everything I say, as well as dozens of cops who saw the aftermath. So I will see your arse in court, and your client will _rot_ in prison.” 

Before she could continue, someone tapped her shoulder lightly. She whipped around ready to bite whoever’s head off, but she drew her emotions back when she saw it was Sunders. “You have a call from Ryan,” he explained. “He says it’s urgent.”

“Shite,” Yaz cursed. She followed the sergeant back to his desk where the phone was waiting on hold. Yaz answered. “Ryan, it’s me. What’s wrong?”

“It’s Thea,” Ryan answered. “I think she’s having a panic attack. I don’t know what to do. I tried to call my grandma, but she’s not in town, and I can’t talk her down.”

Her chest squeezed uncomfortably. She hadn’t left that long ago, and Thea was already in trouble. Yaz looked up at Sunders with pleading eyes. “I have a family emergency,” she said. 

“Go,” Sunders answered. “You can make your shift up another time. But I expect your head to be on right tomorrow. No yelling at solicitors or terrorizing the other officers.”

“Thank you so much,” Yaz replied. “Ryan, I’m on my way.”

She hung up and started to leave when Sunders called out to her. “Khan! I know that Smith is staying with you. Do not let this become a conflict of interest, or I will pull you off this case.”

“I promise!” Yaz shouted back. She turned and ran for her car. She needed to get home now. 

* * *

Yaz almost crashed into her front door with the way she was running. As it was, she barely managed to close the door as she rushed past. “Ryan? Thea?” she called out. 

“In here,” Ryan called out from the sitting room. 

She hurried into the room, where Ryan was sitting across from the pull-out in a chair and Thea was curled up on the pull-out, breathing heavily. As Yaz approached, she could tell that Thea’s eyes were glazed and unfocused. Wherever she was in her head, it was miles away. 

“What happened?” Yaz asked, looking to Ryan. 

“I dropped a mug,” Ryan answered. “Well, I was handing it to her, and we both kind of dropped it. She got really scared. Started apologizing a lot and asking me not to hurt her. Not that I would,” he added quickly at Yaz’s sharp look. 

Yaz looked back down at Thea sadly. “Will you give us some privacy?” she asked.

“Of course,” Ryan answered. “Just shout if you need me.”

Once Ryan left, Yaz gently sat on the edge of the pull-out. “Hey, Thea?” she asked softly. “Mind if I sit with you?”

Thea blinked a few times before looking up at Yaz. She shook her head, so Yaz scooted closer. “My friend tells me you had a tough morning,” Yaz said. 

“I broke the mug,” Thea replied, voice gravelly. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh Thea, it’s just a cheap mug,” Yaz said. “They break all the time. It’s okay.”

“That’s what Ryan told me. I’m sorry I freaked out. It’s just...” Thea trailed off. 

“Does this have something to do with Masters?”

Thea nodded. A few tears escaped her eyes as she did so. “But I don’t understand. I _deserved_ that. And now I’m here, and you’re telling me it’s okay, and I _want_ to believe you. I just don’t know how to reconcile that.” She sat up and wiped at her face. “Did I make you leave work? I’m really sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Yaz replied. She reached out and put an arm around Thea, pulling the other woman in close. Thea leaned against her shoulder. Her face was still a bit wet, but Yaz didn’t mind. Her heart fluttered a bit at the touch. Of course it did. Thea was a pretty girl, and Yaz already had an emotional soft spot for her. But the important thing here was Thea’s healing, not Yaz’s budding crush. “You know, we don’t have to go to the penthouse today if you’re not feeling up to it.”

“No. I want to,” Thea decided. “There’s something I need.”


	4. hello darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No chairs were harmed in the making of this chapter.

_The sun will rise a thousand times_

_It burns my eyes_

_It makes me cry_

_And in my mind my thoughts unwind_

_On and on and on_

_  
I loved you_

_I hate you_

_Goodbye_

_-New Years Day_

* * *

  
Maybe Thea thought she was ready, but returning to that penthouse was like a blow to the stomach. After some time away, it was like looking through new eyes. It was a shock to her whole body. 

The couch was still overturned, and tears in the cushions told of the violence they’d seen. Shards of glass and red stains decorated the floor. Oh God- was that her blood? She gasped a little bit. Yaz looked over at her in concern. “Are you alright, Thea? You seem a bit pale.”

Thea nodded and swallowed thickly. “I just- this is where I lived?”

“Afraid so,” Yaz responded sadly. She put her hand on Thea’s shoulder and squeezed. 

Hot tears blurred her vision as she looked around the wreckage of her old life. “O said he loved me,” she stated, trying to make sense of the storm of emotions in her head. “Why did he do this?” Her fingers touched the bruises on her neck, the place where she thought for sure she was going to die. “What did I do to deserve this?”

Yaz made a choking sound that sounded like her heart was breaking. “Nothing, Thea. You didn’t deserve this. Masters is just a monster.”

The shook her head. Her heart was racing in her chest, and her thoughts were quickly becoming incoherent. “No, no. I had to have deserved it. If I didn’t deserve it, then it was all for nothing.”

Suddenly, it was all too much. Thea felt as if she were suffocating. She narrowed her eyes at the counter, where various papers from O’s work, drying dishes, and an empty coffee maker were sitting. A scream ripped its way out of her entire body as she lunged forwards, knocking everything off. The dishes were loud as they crashed against the floor, but Thea barely heard it. She moved on, finding the dining room. Without thinking, she grabbed a dining chair by the leg and threw it to the opposite wall as hard as she could. It broke apart on impact, making satisfying splintering sounds. 

“Thea-“ 

Yaz tried to interrupt, but the tirade had already run its course. Thea collapsed to the floor, sobbing. Within a few seconds, Yaz was at her side, holding her around her waist and keeping all her breaking parts together. She was like a tether to reality. Thea was starting to realize that she’d been gone from reality for a long time, perhaps since the day she met O. 

“Just let it all out,” Yaz said gently. Her hand began rubbing soothing circles on her back, like their own private language that calmed Thea’s raging emotions. Her cries faded out into gentle whimpers and sporadic shudders. “It’s over now,” Yaz continued. “He’s never going to hurt you again.”

After a minute, Thea stood with Yaz’s help. “I don’t have much belongings,” Thea admitted. “Just some clothes and a toothbrush really. But there is one thing here that I really need.”

With a heavy heart, she walked to the bedroom. More wreckage laid behind the door. Pillows and sheets had been thrown from the bed, laying on the floor with the broken lamp and shattered pieces of mirror. Right now she didn’t even want to think about that bed, because when she laid down last night, her soul ached for the warmth of O’s body next to her. In sleep there was no anger or violence, just the man she longed to love her. Sleeping without that warm body next to her hurt. 

“I got the suitcase,” Yaz said, pulling her out of her thoughts. “Just throw whatever you want in here.”

Thea stepped over the mess to the closet while Yaz set the suitcase on the floor. Inside the closet was pretty bare. Thea grabbed what few things she had and tossed them into the suitcase, not caring about wrinkles. What she really wanted was in the back of the closet, hidden out of sight. She’d hid it there after O’s first violent outburst, hoping to keep it safe. On a small nail she’d hammered into the wall hung a simple, gold chain. A single charm hung on it- a blue, police call box like they’d had in the fifties. Thea picked it up and sighed with relief to see it still unharmed. 

Instead of throwing it into the suitcase, she hung it around her neck. “What is that?” Yaz asked, staring curiously. 

“It’s all I have of my parents,” Thea replied honestly. “I was a foster kid. I never knew them, but for some reason they left me with this.” She stroked the charm lightly with the tips of her fingers. It always grounded her for whatever reason. 

“It’s beautiful,” Yaz whispered, still staring. 

“I had to hide it,” Thea explained. “I was scared that O would... well, you know.”

Yaz did know, judging by the look in her eyes. There was a quiet fire that burned in them, but it didn’t scare Thea. If anything, it comforted her. They were so different from O’s eyes, which shone with cold, calculated cruelty, even in his frenzy. Her breath hitched in her throat as she kept staring into Yaz’s eyes, unsure why. 

The shorter woman’s face flushed, and she averted her gaze. Thea felt a sinking feeling inside. Had she done something wrong? Was she being weird again? She was about to ask when Yaz spoke up. 

“We should head home,” she said. “It’s getting late, and my boss is definitely going to expect me at work tomorrow.”

“Right,” Thea replied awkwardly, a familiar feeling of guilt settling in her stomach as she remembered how Yaz had left early to comfort her. The thought of being alone tomorrow made her chest tighten. Ryan had to go back to work tomorrow too. Best not to worry about that now. 

* * *

Yaz’s flat was warm and inviting in a way that O’s never was. Thea let out a deep breath and allowed her nerves to settle. After today’s events, she really felt like she could trust Yaz and Ryan. But still, knowing she was going to be alone in their home was scaring her. 

“Hey Yaz! Thea!” Ryan greeted as the two walked into the sitting room, which Thea had temporarily taken over. “I just talked to my Nan. She says she can come over with Graham tomorrow to keep you company.”

“Really?” Thea asked, a smile tugging at her lips. Grace had been super sweet to her, kind of like the mother she never had. Her anxiety eased up a bit. “I’d really like that.”

Ryan smiled wide. “So would she,” he responded. “I’ll let her know.” 

Without giving Thea any time to think about it, Ryan stepped forwards with outstretched arms and wrapped her in a hug. She hesitated for a second before returning the gesture. Ryan squeezed tighter, causing a sharp pain in Thea’s ribs. She cried out, and Ryan quickly backed up. “I’m so sorry, Thea,” he rushed to apologize. “I wasn’t even thinking.”

Yaz was at her side in an instant, hands on her arm. “Are you alright, Thea? Do I need to call Dr. Jones?”

“No, no,” Thea reassured them. “And don’t be sorry, Ryan. I forgot about it too. But it was still... nice.”

She tried to think back to the last time she’d been hugged, but she couldn’t remember. Hugs were hard to come by in the foster homes and at boarding school, and O certainly never hugged her like that. A warmth pooled in her belly. She wasn’t sure what this new feeling was, but she liked it. 

The look in Ryan’s eyes was indiscernible, like something both happy and sad. “If you’re certain then,” he replied. 

“We should all get some sleep,” Yaz said. “Will you be alright down here tonight?” 

“Yeah,” Thea replied, her smile turning a bit more fake. “I got some clothes to change into now. Don’t worry about me.”

Yaz didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t argue. “Alright, Thea. I know we had supper earlier, but there’s some more food in the fridge if you need anything. I’ll be in my room, so you know where to find me if you need.”

“Yes,” Thea agreed. “Thank you, Yaz. For everything; for letting me stay here, for rescuing me, and for everything before, even though I resisted you.”

“You’re welcome,” Yaz said softly. “Now get some rest. You’ve had an emotional day.”

Thea nodded to herself as the others left her. It had been an emotional day, and Thea longed to wash it off her skin, but she was too shy to try and shower while Yaz and Ryan were going to sleep, even if Yaz had said she was free to use it. She would probably shower tomorrow when they were both gone and hope not to have a panic attack during that time. 

She changed into some clothes she’d brought over from the penthouse, just some sweats and a tank top. It wasn’t much, but having her own clothes made her feel a little bit more like herself again and not just a refugee in this flat. She kept the necklace on too. Now that she was certain no one would destroy it, she never wanted to take it off again. 

As she settled onto the pull-out, she twirled the charm in her fingers. It was an odd thing, and Thea constantly questioned what it meant and where it came from. Unfortunately, she would probably never have those answers. She’d been searching for so long without finding a thing. 

Thea pulled the blanket tight around her and buried her face into the pillow. Without O by her side, she felt incomplete laying there. It seemed like it would be another long night. 

From the rest of the flat, she could hear Ryan’s footsteps echoing. She could tell because his footsteps were louder and clunkier than Yaz’s. They grew closer, and Thea squirmed uncomfortably. Was something wrong? Was he going to kick her out?

“Hey Thea,” Ryan called out from the hallway. “I’m sorry to intrude, but I thought you might like this.”

Thea pushed herself up into a sitting position. “What is it?” she asked. 

By her feet, Ryan dropped a large, brown blanket. “It’s a weighted blanket,” he explained. “It’s helped me when I had some really rough days, so I was thinking maybe it would help you too.”

“Thank you,” Thea replied, touched.

“Anytime. Seriously, Yaz and I are here for you.”

He left, leaving Thea alone again. She pushed her first blanket off and pulled the new one around her. The difference was stunning. It was like being wrapped in a hug, safe and protected despite being alone. 

It wasn’t long after that until sleep claimed her. 

* * *

When Yaz left in the morning, Thea had still been asleep, and she didn’t have the heart to wake her to say goodbye. After everything that had been happening over the past few days, it was good to finally see her looking peaceful. She noted Ryan’s weighted blanket on top of her and made a mental reminder to thank her friend later. 

Thea checked in with her once she had woken and again once Grace and Graham had arrived, so Yaz could breathe a little easier knowing those two had everything under control. If there was ever a couple she aspired to be like, it was them. There was so much warmth and love between them that it could be felt throughout the whole flat. It was special. 

With Thea in good hands, Yaz could focus on the case in front of her. Heather Pilot had been brought in again on shoplifting charges. The young woman was no stranger to the department. Being a legal runaway from Bristol, she often found less than legal ways of providing for herself. She sat handcuffed to Yaz’s desk. Yaz simply rolled her eyes as she uncuffed her. She knew Heather, and Heather wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Miss Pilot, we’ve talked about this,” Yaz said sternly. “Why were you trying to steal a loaf of bread?”

“I wanted a sandwich,” Heather answered simply in her usual, bored tone of voice. 

“And what was wrong with the food at the shelter?” Yaz asked. 

Heather just shrugged. “I don’t belong there,” she replied. “It’s too small and crowded. I need to be free.”

“Free to starve on the streets?” Yaz questioned, her voice taking on a sharp bristle. “You’re lucky the store owner isn’t pressing charges against you. One of these days, you’re going to gef yourself killed. 

The homeless girl narrowed her eyes. In the lighting, the colored defect in her eye that looked like a star seemed to glow. “What’s got you so uptight today? Normally it’s just a slap on the wrist from you lot.”

Yaz took in a deep breath. She hadn’t realized that she’d been so rattled, but if Heather was mentioning it then she must have been really off her game today. Well, there wasn’t any point in pretending she didn’t know. 

“Because I care about you, Heather,” Yaz answered honestly. “And because someone else I care for was hurt very badly by a very bad person, and I couldn’t protect her.”

Heather looked oddly touched. “Alright,” she relented. “Take me back to the shelter. I promise I’ll make a real effort this time.”

“Sure, Heather,” Yaz agreed, feeling a strong sense of relief. “How about we try somewhere different?”

* * *

The shelter had a warmer atmosphere than Heather expected, or maybe it was just the cute girl serving food and smiling at her. 

“Hello,” she said. “You must be new here. I’m Bill. Bill Potts.”

“Heather Pilot,” Heather responded. “And I am new.”

“I love your eyes,” Bill commented. “Did you know it looks like you have a star in one of them?”

She did, and she was very self-conscious about it. “It’s just a defect.”

“Well, at least it’s a defect that looks like a star. That’s awesome!”

Heather returned Bill’s smile with her own shy one. Maybe she would stick around this time. 

* * *

As Yaz watched Heather interact with the other woman, a pit of jealousy grew in her stomach. Seeing Heather, she couldn’t keep her mind off of Thea and how similar the two were. The difference was that Heather accepted her help before she got hurt. Thea hadn’t, and it almost costed her her life. 

There was no doubt that Yaz was missing Thea badly right now. Though she was glad to help someone else (it was her job, after all), she longed to return home to Thea. Maybe her crush was starting to get out of hand. 


	5. gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which someone’s chronic nightmares make an appearance.

_Now that you’re gone_

_A part of me is lost_

_I’m out of touch_

_Where did I go wrong?_

_Remember the time I called you mine_

_I can’t run anymore_

_-Finding Kate_

* * *

From what Thea could tell, Grace and Graham were thrilled to have somebody to take care of. It was a weird feeling. From foster kid to lonely adult to O’s girlfriend, she couldn’t ever remember feeling so cared for. She’d been on her own from a young age until she met O. And even then, though O said he loved her, he expected her to do all the caring. She couldn’t remember help when she was hurt or comfort when she was sad, yet here were these strangers jumping at the chance. 

Grace set her up with some hot tea, some painkillers, and Ryan’s blanket draped over her shoulders. Meanwhile, Graham had put football on the telly and began chatting about the next Cup in words that Thea only half understood, but she loved the company. 

“So Thea,” Grace began, sitting down on the other side of her as Graham. “Ryan tells me you work at an animal shelter. Do you like your work?”

“Oh, yes!” Thea answered enthusiastically. “I love helping out animals in trouble.”

“Have you ever thought about veterinary school?” Graham asked. “I mean a kind, smart girl like you- you’d be great!”

Thea smiled, surprised by the compliment. “I have thought about it actually,” she said. “Unfortunately, as a kid fresh out of the foster system, I didn’t have the means to study further.” Both Graham and Grace tried to cover up a sad look in their eyes and failed. “But it wasn’t all bad,” Thea rushed. “I found the animal shelter quickly, and they liked me there. I was even able to afford a cheap flat nearby.”

Grace smiled softly and patted her hand. “You know, Yaz is really glad to have you here,” she said. “Every time she visited you at the hospital, she got so upset.” 

Something in Thea’s stomach churned at that. “Upset? Why?”

“Oh, the whole reason Yaz wanted to be a cop was to help people. Lately, she’s been feeling so helpless. She kept telling us she felt like she was failing at her job. But seeing her with you now, it’s like a burden’s been lifted off her shoulders.”

Thea frowned, puzzled. “I did that?” she asked. “O told me I wasn’t capable of making anyone happy.”

The room went silent, and Thea realized she might have overshared. Her heart rate picked up, and her chest tightened. She couldn’t believe she had just accidentally revealed how damaged she truly was. O always told her how lucky she was to have him because no one else would take care of someone so broken. Back then she had taken it as a compliment. Now she wasn’t so sure. Not that it mattered. She would have gone with him no matter what he said. 

Back then, she had been taking care of herself for so long that even the idea of being taken care of filled her with longing. It didn’t matter that O never actually did anything to take care of her. He gave her a roof, and Thea had taken it as the ultimate act of kindness. 

“You can’t allow the words of one man to define you,” Grace said, breaking Thea out of her trance. 

She faked a smile. “Right,” Thea replied. “I guess I just don’t know who I’m supposed to be now that he’s gone.”

“Well, you can be whatever you want,” Graham spoke up. 

Thea’s mood had quickly soured, and now she couldn’t pick herself back up. “Whoever I want?” she mused. “Because right now, I’m just a parasite feeding off of you two and Yaz and Ryan, so I’d like to be somebody different.”

The room went uncomfortably still and cold. Heavy anxiety rested in Thea’s belly. It was true though, wasn’t it? She was a parasite to O, and she was a parasite now. How long would it be before these new people realized that and started to treat her the same way? 

No. Thea took a deep breath and steeled herself, trying to remember what Yaz said. O was wrong to hurt her, and she was safe now. In her head, she repeated it over and over like a mantra. O was wrong. She was safe. 

“I’m sorry,” Thea quickly apologized. “I’m not used to receiving help. I guess I still need to learn.”

“There’s no need to apologize, love,” Grace replied kindly. 

“And you’re not a parasite,” Graham added. “Ryan told me that he really likes the company and that he’s hoping to learn a bit from you.”

Thea smiled a more natural smile. “Thank you. I truly do not know what I would do without your kindness.”

“I’ve always believed kindness is important,” Grace explained. “Life itself is not a kind thing. That’s why we have to be.”

Water stung Thea’s eyes as she was overcome with an emotion she couldn’t put a name to. She wiped the tears away with her hand. “I’m not exaggerating when I say all four of you have changed my life. Thank you for helping me get back on my feet.“

“Just don’t be a stranger, yeah?” Graham mentioned. “Repay us the favor and come visit every now and then. And bring Ryan with you. God knows he doesn’t visit as often as we’d like.”

Thea beamed. “I’d really like that.“

* * *

Yaz fumbled a bit as she unlocked the door to her flat. Her hands were shaking slightly from eagerness to see Thea again. She pushed the door open, and Grace was on the other side to greet her. 

“How is she?” Yaz asked in a soft tone. 

“She’s doing well,” Grace answered truthfully. “She got into a bit of a dark mood earlier, but I think we pulled her out of it. She’s washing the dishes right now. I tried to tell her not to, but she insisted that building a routine and a sense of normalcy is best for her.”

“Well, she’s probably right,” Yaz admitted. “As much as I just want to just take care of her, she needs some autonomy over her own life; a sense of control.”

Graham walked into the entry to join them. “Ryan should be home soon. I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to stay so we can see him.”

“Not at all,” Yaz replied with a smile. “I’m just gonna go check on Thea now.

Grace stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm. “It’s so good to see you happy, Yaz,” she said. “I’m glad you have Thea now.”

Yaz smiled, uncertain but happy. “Me too,” she responded. 

She continued into the kitchen where Thea was drying off the last of the dishes. Yaz smiled brightly as she greeted her. “Hello, Thea! How was today?”

“It was really nice,” Thea answered, smiling equally as bright. Happiness was a good look on her. “Ryan’s grandparents are great. I kinda wish they were my grandparents too.” She winced. “Sorry, am I being weird?”

“Not at all,” Yaz replied. “I feel the same way about them. And believe me, Ryan doesn’t mind sharing them. There’s more than enough love to go around.”

“So they told me,” Thea agreed. “You seem to be in a good mood today.”

Yaz bit back a reply about being better now that Thea was there and went for the other honest answer instead. “I am. Work was really nice. There was a woman brought in today. Heather Pilot is her name. She’s been brought in before, but she’s been really reluctant to accept my help. She’s chronically bored and doesn’t want to stay still. I think I finally got through to her though.”

“Why’s that?” Thea asked. 

“Because there’s a cute girl who volunteers at the shelter I took her too, and she was all over her,” Yaz answered with a giggle. “Never underestimate the power of a crush.” She was seeing that power for herself. The power of a crush led to this stranger sleeping in her home and washing her dishes. 

Thea narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. “I want to volunteer there,” she decided suddenly. 

“Wait, really?” Yaz asked, taken aback. “Why?”

“I need something,” Thea answered. “And I can’t return to work yet. To be honest, any one of those people- they could be me! But I’m not because you saved me! So while I don’t have my job, I’d like to help out. Pay it forward, you know?”

Yaz’s heart warmed a bit as she smiled. “That’s really sweet of you. I think I can help with that. I have tomorrow off. How about we go in the morning.”

Warm, hazel eyes widened in surprise. “We?” Thea asked. 

Heat flushed through Yaz’s cheeks. The last thing she wanted to do was invade Thea’s privacy, yet here she was making assumptions. “I- I mean, only if you want. If you want- uh, want to go alone, that’s totally fine!”

Now her hazel eyes were light with amusement, and Thea actually chuckled. “Of course you can come. I was just surprised that you would want to is all. I’m sure your own job is tiring.”

Still shocked that Thea Smith had actually _laughed_ at her, Yaz struggled to regain her composure. “It can be,” she agreed. “But it’s not going to keep me from going out.”

“Alright,” Thea agreed. “It’s a date.” She set down the last cup in the cupboard and walked away, leaving Yaz to her flustered blushing alone. 

* * *

“NO! NO!”

Thea jolted awake, heart hammering inside her chest. She thought she heard screaming, but now she couldn’t be certain that she hadn’t just dreamed it. Chalking it up to just a nightmare, Thea laid back down and closed her eyes, trying to settle her racing mind. 

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!”

This time, the shout was clearly not in her mind. Thea shot up, bare feet hitting the cold, wood floor. That was Yaz’s voice. She needed to get to her now. 

She sprinted down the hallway toward’s Yaz’s bedroom. Thea had never been inside before, but this wasn’t the time to second-guess herself. She pushed the door open and ran to Yaz’s bedside. 

Yaz was clearly caught in a nightmare, twisting around and crying out in her sleep. The sight made Thea’s heart hurt. She crawled up into the bed beside Yaz and shook her shoulder. “Yaz, wake up! You’re having a nightmare,” she called out. 

Immediately, Yaz’s eyes shot open, but they were still hazy and glazed over in her sleep. The cop grabbed Thea’s side and pushed her over hard. Thea fell on her back, ribs on fire, and Yaz sprang up on her. She pushed her forearm against Thea’s throat, causing Thea to panic and bat helplessly at the woman on top of her. In her head, she flashed back to O with his fist closing around her airway. Tears prickled her eyes. “Yaz... please...”

As suddenly as it started, the pressure was gone. Yaz regained clarity in her eyes and leaped away, nearly falling off the bed and onto her head. “Thea!” she gasped. “No no no, Thea, I’m so sorry!” 

Thea coughed and sat up, rubbing at her neck with shaky hands. “Note to self, don’t wake you up like that.”

“Oh God, I could have hurt you! I did hurt you, didn’t I?” Yaz curled her legs to her chest and partially hid her face. Her dark eyes held an intense self-loathing, a look Thea was all too familiar with. 

“You scared me is all,” Thea explained, scooting to be by Yaz’s side. “No harm done.”

Yaz reached up to touch Thea’s face, but Thea flinched, causing her to retract her hand. Sensing her friend’s growing distress, Thea took Yaz’s hand. “It’s alright,” she assured her. “You’re forgiven, and now that I know better, it will never happen again.”

The other woman yanked her hand back and cradled it to her chest. “How can you say that after what I’ve just done?”

“Because I know what abuse is,” Thea stated firmly. “You struck out in your sleep, still unconscious. What O did to me, he did with a clear head.”

Despite her self-loathing, Yaz smiled a bit. “You just admitted it was abuse.”

“Well, yes.” Thea paused, caught off guard. “I still miss him dearly, well more the idea of him, and I may be lost without him, but I know you, Yaz. You’re someone who helps people, not hurt them.”

The words seemed to sink in. Yaz relaxed and leaned up against the headboard. “I’m really proud of you. Just promise me that if you ever need to wake me up again, you’ll do so from a distance.”

“I promise,” Thea said, and Yaz fell to the side a bit, leaning on Thea’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. 

“I’m a cop,” Yaz replied simply. “I’ve seen some really horrible shite. And I can’t save everyone. Sometimes my brain likes to revisit those times when I’m asleep and add to it. Honestly, I don’t really remember what I was dreaming about. I just remember feeling scared and helpless and alone.”

“Well, you’re not alone anymore,” Thea assured her. 

Yaz slid down back onto the bed until her head was laying on the pillow again. “I’m sorry I woke you,” she murmured. “Ryan always just sleeps through these.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Thea replied. “That’s what you taught me, remember?”

There was no response. Yaz had already passed out again, hopefully into a deep, restful sleep. Thea pulled the blanket up around her shoulders and covered her feet. “Sweet dreams, Yaz,” she whispered before returning to her own spot on the pull-out couch snd crawling back underneath the weighted blanket. 


	6. he wanted more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few threats are made over the phone

_But he wanted more_

_More, more, more than me_

_He wanted more_

_More, more than I can be_

_-Lauren Tate_

* * *

  
Though Yaz didn’t say another word about last night, Thea could tell that something had changed between them. The silence between them on the drive up to the shelter felt comforting, not agonizing. Yaz’s posture was far more relaxed, and her smile was a little more sincere. 

“Here we are,” Yaz announced as they pulled up to the shelter. 

It wasn’t a large place. A few people milled about in the courtyard having hushed conversations. In the kitchen, volunteers were cheerfully preparing food while a few of the refuge seekers stood in the doorway, drawn by the scent of food. Upon seeing Yaz, one of the homeless broke out of the crowd to greet her and Thea. 

“PC Khan! Good to see you again! You bringing in another straggler?” 

Yaz laughed lightly. “Please, just call me Yaz. And no, this is my friend Thea. She actually wanted to volunteer this morning. Thea, this is Heather.”

Heather had gorgeous, crystal blue eyes, but what really stood out was the golden star shape in her left iris. “Well then, it’s nice to meet you, Thea!”

“Heather! I thought I told you it would be another minute,” came the voice of another volunteer, light and teasing. 

“I just had to say hi to my friend here,” Heather explained. 

The other volunteer, a cute young woman with a ‘fro and a denim jacket, turned to give Yaz and Thea a sunny smile. “Well hello there. I’m Bill Potts, and you must be that cop Heather was telling me about.”

Yaz returned the smile. “That’s me. Name’s Yaz.”

Bill turned to Thea next. “And you? Volunteer or homeless?”

“Volunteer,” Thea answered. “My name’s Thea, and I’m eager to help!”

“That’s what I like to here!” Bill exclaimed. “Alright. Yaz, go start handing out biscuits. Heather, go with her and stay out of trouble until I get back! Thea, you come with me, and I’ll get you set up.”

The mutual crush between Bill and Heather was easy to see in the way that they looked at each other. Oddly enough, Thea sometimes felt like Yaz was looking at her like that, but that couldn’t be right. There was no way Yaz could feel anything like that towards her after seeing all she had seen. 

“Follow me,” Bill said, gesturing to Thea. She followed Bill to the counter. “Now, I made this oatmeal myself. Take these and serve it up for me.” Bill handed her some gloves, a hairnet, and an apron. “Don’t skimp out on anybody, but don’t go overboard either. We want everyone to get a fair amount.”

And with that, Bill was off again, muttering something under her breath about new volunteers. Thea quickly put on what Bill had given her and grabbed a serving spoon. It wasn’t long before people lined up around her. Some were disgruntled, some were cheerful, but all of them seemed grateful to see her as she served them. It made her heart warm, and she even caught herself smiling. A few times she would make eye contact with Yaz, who always beamed at her from across the room. 

After the rush died down, Bill came back to the counter to help clean up. “I know we just met, but can I ask you something slightly personal?” Bill asked. 

“Um... sure,” Thea agreed, feeling nervous. Self-conciously, she pushed her hair down to cover the stitches by her eye and bruises around her neck, even though she knew she couldn’t fully hide it. 

Bill didn’t even seem to notice. Her dark, earthy eyes flickered across the room to where Yaz and Heather were talking. “Have you ever had a crush on someone, but you’re from two totally different worlds?”

O immediately popped up in her mind’s eye, and Thea swallowed down a heavy lump. “Yeah.” At Bill’s expectant look, she continued. “It didn’t work out. He was rich and powerful, and he wanted more.” That was honest enough without including too many details she was trying to forget. 

The other girl frowned and glanced back at Heather. “I can’t ever imagine wanting more.”

“Oh, just go ask her out already!” Thea replied with a laugh and a gentle nudge. 

“Is it that obvious?” Bill asked with a sheepish smile. 

“Uh, yeah,” Thea teased. “Go!”

* * *

“You know, Bill’s actually really smart,” Heather commented. “Not that she doesn’t look smart or anything, because she does. It’s just more like... she gets me.”

Apparently Heather’s massive crush was obvious, because Yaz kept finding subtle (or sometimes not so subtle) ways of bringing up the other woman. Not that Heather minded. If Yaz wanted to talk about Bill, she was more than happy to oblige. 

“I told her about my chronic boredom, and she thinks that I’ve just been under-stimulated my whole life.”

Yaz watched her carefully. “And do you think that’s true?”

“Well it would make sense,” Heather replied. “I mean, I haven’t been happy in a long time. I told you I needed to be free, but there was still something missing.”

“And that something was a cute girl?” Yaz teased.

“No!” Heather protested. “Well, maybe. But no, my point is that I’m enrolling for a couple of science classes at the local university. They can even put me up in one of their dorms. I applied for a student loan and everything.“

“Amazing,” Yaz commented. “I’ve been trying to get you help for awhile now, and all it took was one cute girl.”

“Well isn’t that what happened to your friend over there?” Heather asked, gesturing to Thea. Looking at the other woman hurt. “Those marks on her face and neck... it’s not hard to figure out that another person did that to her. And I’m willing to bet actual money- that I don’t have, so don’t actually hold me to it- that she’s the friend you were talking about. You said that you couldn’t protect her, but if she’s here now, it must because of you.”

The police officer went silent for a few seconds. “It’s not because of me,” she said softly back. “It could have been anyone. Wait- Bill’s coming over!”

Heather wasn’t convinced, but between Yaz’s visible discomfort and the sight of Bill walking towards her, she let the subject drop. 

“Hey, Heather!” Bill greeted. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Really?” Heather asked, feeling her tummy flutter with nervous anticipation. 

Bill smiled. “How would you like to go on a date with me?”

“I’d like that a lot,” Heather replied. “Besides, my schedule is wide open.”

* * *

After Thea assured her multiple times that she would be alright at the flat alone, Yaz was back at work. The job was never done, but that was part of what Yaz liked about it. There was always someone new to help. 

This time, however, Yaz had a sinking feeling in her stomach when she walked inside. Sergeant Sunders was sitting at her desk, looking very grim. She steeled herself as she walked towards him. Whatever happened, she was a cop, and she would take care of it. 

“Sergeant,” she greeted. “What can I help you with?”

“Masters is out on bail,” Sunders said bluntly. 

Yaz’s entire body grew hot. “ _What_?” she snapped. 

“Apparently having money makes it so you can get away with anything,” Sunders responded dryly. 

“I’m gonna kill him myself,” Yaz grumbled. Her vision started to blur in her anger as adrenaline filled her blood, pounding in her head. 

Sergeant Sunders turned very serious as he looked up at Yaz. “Now listen, Khan. I need you to take this seriously. One wrong move, and Masters’ solicitor will eat us alive, and then Masters will be free for good. If I’m going to keep you on this case, I need to know you can keep a clear head.”

“I can,” replied Yaz with a nod. “And I will. I promise.”

“Good,” Sunders said. “His trial isn’t for a few more weeks, so during this time I don’t want him to have any excuse to cry harassment. Unless he’s committing a crime, give him a wide berth. Keep a lid on that anger.”

“I understand,” Yaz replied. “As satisfying as it would be to knock his teeth out, I won’t compromise the case. But what if he tries to come after Thea?” 

Sunders raised an eyebrow. “Well she’s already living with a police officer, but we’ll assign a protective detail. I take it you want that right away?”

“Yes, as fast as possible,” Yaz agreed. After a pause, she voiced her most horrifying thought. “What if Thea goes back to him?”

The stern expression Sunders was giving her softened into something close to sympathy. “Khan, I know how badly you want to help this girl, but you can’t always save everyone from themselves.”

Hearing that was like a ball of ice hitting Yaz’s stomach, but she ignored it. She refused to believe that. “What do you need from me?” she asked. 

“Tomorrow, you’re going to get a statement from Dr. Jones,” Sunders answered. “She’s very well respected among the medical community, so her professional opinion is key to this case.”

“Alright. I’ll have everything prepared to meet with her. I was wondering, is it alright if I call Thea? I want to warn her about Masters.”

Sunders nodded. “Just make it quick.” He stood up to go to his own desk, giving Yaz the privacy she wanted. She pulled out her phone, found Thea’s number, and pressed dial. Waiting for the ring was agonizing. 

“Hey Yaz,” Thea answered after a few long seconds. “Is everything alright?”

“Thea!” Yaz replied, trying to sound cheerful so as not to scare her friend. “Um, actually, it’s not. Masters’ solicitor got him out on bail.”

The other end was silent for a minute. “Okay,” Thea replied. Yaz couldn’t read her tone of voice. “Thank you for letting me know.”

“We’re sending a protective detail out now,” Yaz explained. “I promise you, I won’t let him hurt you again.“

“I know,” Thea replied, suddenly sounding very small. “You have to go back to work, don’t you?”

“Yeah, unfortunately,” Yaz said softly. “Unless you need me to come home.”

There was another pause. When Thea spoke up again, she sounded more confident. “No. I don’t want them to pull you off of the case for any reason. I’m safe here. I promise I’ll call if anything happens.”

“Okay. Stay safe. I’ll call you as soon as I get off.”

It was hard for Yaz to pull herself away from that phone call, but Thea was right. She didn’t want to get pulled from the case either. She had a dangerous villain to catch. 

* * *

For about a half hour, Thea sat on the pull out couch and stared down at her phone, scrolling through her contacts. She didn’t have many; just the animal shelter, Yaz, Ryan, Grace, Graham, and now Bill Potts from the shelter, and O. Since Yaz’s call, Thea had been stuck staring at O’s number. She was surprised he hadn’t called her first thing after getting out of jail. She wasn’t even sure what to expect from him; if he would go on like nothing happened or threaten to kill her. Given his temperament, she suspected it would be the latter, but she wasn’t sure. 

Suddenly, O’s picture lit up as her phone rang. Dread filled her stomach. What did he want? Would he ever stop wanting?

“Hey jailbird,” Thea answered, keeping her tone neutral. “I’m surprised they let your arse out of prison.”

“You already knew I was out?” O asked, sounding surprised. “Babe, why didn’t you call? And where are you? I came all this way over to your old apartment just to see you. Is this about what happened last time? I didn’t mean to hurt you, Altheta. I just got so scared you were gonna leave me for that cop.”

“No,” Thea argued. “You were scared that I was going to call that cop and have you arrested. Which I did.”

She couldn’t be sure, but she thought she heard O huff on the other end. “Yeah. God knows you’re the biggest drama queen ever. You’re lucky I love you.”

Something inside her snapped. “Just stop, O. You know, maybe I don’t really know what love is, but this isn’t it. Love isn’t violent, and I want more.”

The other end of the line was uncomfortably quiet for a minute. “I knew it. That cop is poisoning your mind. What’s her name? Khan? I should just take her out so that she can’t stand between us anymore.” 

Even though she knew O couldn’t see her, her lips curled up in a snarl as her voice went dangerously low. “ _Don’t you dare threaten Yaz_.”

“Or what?” O challenged. 

“Or I’ll show you the foster kid who had to fight to survive growing up,” Thea snapped. “Don’t call here again, O. You’re not welcome.” She hung up. It only took a few seconds for O to call back, but she blocked his number, consequences be damned. She didn’t want to distract Yaz, but she promised she would tell the other woman when she got home. Knowing O was looking for her was terrifying, but she had Yaz now, as well as her own fists if it came down to it. Her brief time away from O with Yaz had shown her that life didn’t have to be so miserable, and she didn’t have to put up with O’s rotten treatment towards her. 

Thea tossed her phone to the side. Nobody would be bothering her now. 


	7. anything but love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few different hugs and their meaning

_So go on, infect me_

_Go on and scare me to death_

_Tell me I asked for it_

_Tell me I’ll never forget_

_You could give me anything but love_

_-Apocalyptica_

* * *

The other cop in charge of Thea’s protective detail seemed nice enough. She had dark hair and a Welsh accent, and she introduced herself as Gwen Cooper. What really struck Thea though was the hard anger in her eyes whenever O was mentioned. Other than that, she had a kind face and never talked down to Thea. 

Now with Yaz and Ryan home, Gwen gathered everyone in the sitting room to talk. “Now first off, I don’t want anyone to feel like we’re invading your privacy,” she started. 

“We don’t,” Yaz insisted quickly. 

Gwen smiled amusedly at Yaz. “I’m talking to the non-cops, Yaz.”

“Oh,” Yaz replied, frowning. She turned to Thea and Ryan. “I didn’t even think to ask. Are you two alright with this?”

“Oh yeah,” Ryan replied. “Anything to keep Thea safe from this Masters bloke.”

There it was again, that flash of rage in Gwen’s eyes. Thea studied her face, curious. She got the feeling that if O did show up, Gwen would murder him herself. “Officer Cooper,” she began, getting the other woman’s attention. 

“Please, just call me Gwen,” Gwen insisted. 

“Gwen,” Thea repeated. “There is something you should know.”

All eyes turned to her. Thea felt like she was burning up under the stares. Gwen, however, never dropped her friendly smile. “What is it?” she asked gently. 

“O already went by my old flat today,” she said. “He was looking for me.”

“What?” Yaz questioned sharply. “How do you know?”

Thea squirmed in her seat on the couch a bit, uncomfortable with the look Yaz was giving her. She knew Yaz was just scared, but she couldn’t help but feeling like she’d let the other woman down big time. “He called me,” Thea answered quietly, almost whispering. 

Yaz’s eyes looked like they were about to pop right out of her skull. “He _called_ you? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I’m telling you now,” Thea snapped back, crossing her arms over her body defensively. The gesture probably just looked sad though as Thea tried to shrink and hide behind herself. “I told him to bugger off, but Yaz... he threatened to kill you.”

“As a cop, he wouldn’t be the first person,” Yaz grumbled. “Well, even before I was a cop- but that doesn’t matter now. What matters is keeping you safe until Masters’ trial, when we can put him away for good.”

“And you,” Thea insisted, feeling a bit annoyed at the way Yaz had just brushed the threat off. “You’re important here too.”

Gwen interrupted. “Don’t worry, Thea. Yaz has a lot of people to watch her back when she’s to bloody stubborn to do it herself, including me.”

“Gwenyth!” Yaz hissed in annoyance. 

“Yaz, just stop,” Ryan told her. “All you’re doing is scaring Thea.”

Yaz seemed surprised when she looked over and actually looked at Thea. Her dark eyes filled with remorse. “I’m sorry, Thea. I promise I will look out for myself. I’ll be careful when I’m out. I guess I’m just not used to someone caring so much.”

“Well, get used to it,” Thea snapped back with a little more venom than she meant. 

Startled by the change in Thea’s tone, Yaz blinked a couple of times. “I... I’m sorry,” she said again, looking at Thea in complete confusion. 

Suddenly, the air started feeling a little too thin. “No, I’m sorry,” Thea rushed to apologize. “I shouldn’t have snapped like that.”

“It’s alright,” Yaz started as she placed a warm hand on Thea’s arm. The touch was meant to be comforting, but it just made Thea panic more. She pulled away quickly. 

“I need some air,” Thea mumbled, halfway running across the flat, going through the front door without even glancing back. Her heart felt heavy with anxiety. Why had she snapped? She wasn’t even sure herself. Surely Yaz would hate her now and maybe even kick her out. 

The door swung open and closed behind her again, and Thea froze. The other person approached and leaned against the railing next to her. “She’s not angry, you know.”

Thea looked up in surprise to see Gwen Cooper gently smiling at her. “How do you know?”

“Because I know Yaz,” Gwen said simply. “I’ve seen how she is. She has a certain disregard for her own safety. She may act like she doesn’t want anyone to care, but that’s really all she needs.”

That was something Thea could relate to. Growing up in the foster system, she constantly tried to keep everyone else at arm’s length. She wondered how different her life would be if someone had actually cared enough to break through all of that. “I do care,” she insisted. “How do I make her see that?”

“Just be there,” Gwen answered. “And be patient with her. She’s not looking for a hero.”

“I understand,” Thea replied. “I think I’d like to go in and talk to her now. I should apologize for freaking out like I did.”

Gwen nodded and moved back towards the flat, stopping to hold the door open for Thea as she went. Thea thanked her and passed, wandering back into the sitting room where Ryan was attempting to calm down a distressed Yaz. As soon as Yaz saw Thea, she stood from the couch and crossed the room to her. Yaz wrapped her arms tightly around Thea, pulling her in close. The hug surprised Thea. She’d been hugged a few times before in her life by a foster parent or even O, but never with so much feeling. Slowly, she brought her own arms up around Yaz’s back and shoulders and returned the embrace. 

“I’m sorry,” Yaz said. “I didn’t mean to push you away.”

“It’s not your fault,” Thea responded. “I was just afraid that you would be angry at me.”

“For caring about me?” Yaz asked. “Never.”

At Yaz’s words, Thea’s heart felt warm, and she broke out into a wide grin. She saw Ryan and Gwen smiling at them from over Yaz’s shoulder. For the first time, Thea actually felt like she belonged. Even with O, she’d never felt that before. 

“Alright,” Gwen spoke up. “I’m gonna go talk to the rest of my officers.”

“Oh! Let me come with you!” Yaz exclaimed, pulling away from the hug. “I wanted to meet them.”

The other two women walked away, leaving just Thea and Ryan in the room together. “You’re good for her. You know that, right?” Ryan asked. 

“I do,” Thea responded, and for the first time she actually believed it. 

* * *

Another hug somewhere in time-

“So, my old foster mom reached out to me today,” Thea said casually, testing for O’s reaction. 

His face turned cold, glaring at her. “What did she want?” 

Thea’s insides felt tight. O was giving her that look like he wanted to hurt her. “Just to talk. She said she wanted to apologize for the way things ended between us.”

“And you trust her?” O snapped, walking to where Thea was standing in the doorway, fidgeting with her hands. 

“I... uh...” Thea stammered. She shrunk back, sure that she was about to get hit. 

Instead, O hugged her. She didn’t hug him back, but she allowed herself to be pressed against his chest as he grabbed her possessively. Her heart thundered inside her chest as O leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Now why would you want to go back to her? All she did was hurt you. You’re mine now, and I can give you anything you want.” 

He pulled back from the one-sided hug, and Thea nodded, staring down at the floor. “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right,” O scoffed. “I always am.”

It wasn’t until much later that Thea would realize he couldn’t give her what she wanted, because all she wanted was to be loved. 

* * *

This time, she didn’t make it in time. 

Yaz’s lungs and legs ached as she sprinted her way up the stairs. She couldn’t stop; not while Thea was in danger. The stairs seemed endless. As she ran, they only seemed to get longer and longer. Finally, she did break through to the top. The door was locked of course, but she forced it open with a heavy kick. 

Inside, Masters stood in the center of the wrecked room, holding Thea up by her neck. The other woman looked pale as she hung limp in his grip. When Masters saw Yaz, he flashed her a sick grin and dropped Thea to the ground. She fell like a boulder. Panicking, Yaz ran to her side to check her pulse, but there wasn’t one. Her body was too cold, and her eyes stared lifelessly ahead. 

“You killed her,” Yaz snarled, turning on Masters. 

“I did,” Masters agreed gleefully. “And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Yaz screamed at the top of her lungs. Hot rage thrummed through her blood. She pulled out her gun, aimed, pulled the trigger, and-

“-YASMIN KHAN, WAKE UP NOW!”

She jolted awake, fists swinging at whatever the danger was. All she hit though was empty mattress. 

“You’re safe, Yaz. It’s just me. It’s Thea. Okay?”

Yaz blinked a few times, coming back to reality. As her bedroom set in around her, she turned her eyes to the doorway where Thea stood, looking on with concern. 

“Thea, I’m glad took my advice about waking me,” Yaz groaned through the sleep still heavy in her voice. “I take it I woke you?”

“Yeah,” Thea answered. “But it’s alright. I know you’re about to apologize, but there’s no need. I wouldn’t even be alive without you, much less have a safe roof over my head.”

The details of her dream came rushing back to her. Yaz shoved it back out of her mind as best she could. Thea wasn’t just a crush to her. She was special, and the idea of her dying was one Yaz was trying to block out. 

Something else seemed to be bothering Thea. Yaz could tell in the tightness of her shoulders and the way she fidgeted with her fingers. “May I come in?” Thea asked. 

Her tone gave away her anxiety. Yaz pushed herself up against the headrest and motioned for Thea to sit next to her. The other woman hesitated a moment before crossing the space between them and sitting next to Yaz. It was another few minutes before Thea spoke again. “In your sleep, you kept calling out ‘not Thea, not Thea’ over and over again.”

“Like I said, I’ve seen a lot of horrible shit. You almost dying is a part of that,” Yaz answered. 

“Are you... are you scared that I’m going to go back to him?” Thea asked timidly. 

Yaz wasn’t sure how to answer. “Honestly... yes. And I feel so helpless. Maybe that’s why I freaked out so much when you told me that he had called you.”

“I’m not going back,” Thea promised. “I may not know anything about love, but I know that’s not what I had with O. And you’ve shown me that I can have more.”

“I have?” Yaz asked. With Masters out of prison, she actually felt more like a failure than anything; like maybe, just maybe, those girls were right about her all those years ago. 

“Yes,” Thea answered. “Just by being you.” Yaz started to tear up as she continued. “Maybe you think you’re inadequate here or you don’t matter, but you mean the world to me.”

For the second time that night, Yaz leaned forwards and pulled Thea into a tight hug. She really wanted to kiss her, but now wasn’t the time to take advantage of the vulnerable woman next to her. “You mean the world to me too, you know?” she said when she pulled away again after a few seconds. 

“You’re amazing,” Thea said. “You saved me. You didn’t even know me. Why did you care so much?” 

Yaz huffed softly, almost like a sad laugh. “Well, I’ve never told anyone this before, but I trust you. When I was in school, there was this girl named Izzy Flint. She was smart, pretty, well-liked, basically everything I wanted to be, and I had the hugest crush on her. But when I told her, she made my life hell. Turned the whole class against me too. It was like she took some sort of sick pleasure in it too. Eventually it was like a game, seeing who could get me to cry first.”

“That must have been painful,” Thea whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was painful,” Yaz agreed. “But I told myself when I grew up, I was going to stand up to the Izzy Flints of the world. And what else is Masters besides a big bully that needs to be stopped.”

Thea smiled softly at her. “Well, you look like you’re about to fall asleep. I should let you.”

“Wait,” Yaz said, gently grabbing Thea’s wrist before she could leave. She noticed with pleasure that the other woman didn’t flinch. “Stay with me?” As soon as she asked she felt pathetic, but she couldn’t take back the words now. “I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Of course,” Thea whispered back. She settled down, laying against Yaz’s pillows. “Goodnight, Yaz.”

“Goodnight, Thea,” Yaz replied softly, laying back down against the mattress until her body relaxed and her mind passed into a dreamless sleep. 


	8. better off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fist flies, and Yaz drinks some wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE HEAD TRIGGER WARNINGS!
> 
> This chapter contains mentions of substance abuse and nonexplicit sexual violence. For this reason, I’ve decided to bump the rating up to M.

_I’m better off sleeping on my own_

_We had no cut off point_

_We had no safety word_

_Everything I said was everything you never heard_

_-Lizzy Farrall_

* * *

  
“Just keep watching my finger. Yeah, that’s it. And we’re done.”

Thea blinked in relief as the light was taken out of her eyes. Dr. Jones turned the lights in the room back on, and Thea had to shade her eyes with her hands. The doctor smiled apologetically as she sat across from Thea. “Your concussion has cleared up. Your ribs still need some time, but they are healing beautifully, Thea. You should be able to return to work in no time.”

From the corner of the room, Yaz frowned. “There’s no point in that,” she said. “Masters will know to look for her there.”

“Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about that until his trial,” Dr. Jones replied. “But you already know that I’ll be there for you when that time comes. It’s awful that a person like that can get out of jail that easily.”

“Tell me about it,” Yaz mumbled. “It happens way too often.”

Suddenly, the room felt a little too suffocating. Thea stood, drawing the attention of the other two women back to her. “Excuse me. I’m just going to grab a drink from the vending machine.”

“Alright, Thea. We’re pretty much finished here. I’m just going to give Yaz your prescription for painkillers here,” Dr. Jones replied. 

She stepped out into the quiet corridor. The doctor was lovely and all, but just being there was bringing up bad memories of her time with O. Right now, she just wanted to forget about him all together, but it was difficult with Yaz always glancing over her shoulder, not so subtlety checking to make sure Gwen was still there and that O was not. Thea kind of wished O would show up just so she could get the confrontation over with. 

The vending machine was well stocked, but Thea decided to stick with a bottle of water for her unsettled stomach. She’d been on edge ever since O had been released. It was like she could feel the bad thing just waiting to happen as soon as she let her guard down. 

“I thought I might find you here.”

Thea’s heart leapt into her throat as she whirled around to face the voice of her abuser. “Owen,” she greeted coldly, not even using his nickname. 

“You did get yourself beat up pretty badly,” O continued, ignoring the icy glare Thea was giving him. “I’ve been worried about you, Altheta. You should come back home.”

“That place isn’t my home,” Thea replied through grit teeth. “Besides, you destroyed it.”

O frowned. “So clean it up?”

All the anger and hurt Thea had been feeling chose that moment to burst out. She curled her fist together and brought it up for a fast, well-aimed blow to the face. O’s eyes widened in fury. He stumbled back and clutched at his nose, now bleeding profusely. “You bitch!” he shrieked. 

Thea turned on her heels and stalked away, not even caring. If that didn’t send the message to O that she wanted nothing to do with him, she didn’t think anything would. O was still shouting at her, but she blocked it out as she made her way back to Dr. Jones. Yaz was already standing in the doorway, looking worried. “Is everything alright?” she asked. “I heard yelling.”

“No,” Thea answered. “And we have to go. O is here.”

Yaz’s eyes seemed to explode with rage. “Alright. I’ve got your prescription. Let’s go home. I’ll call Gwen.” She turned back to the doctor. “Thank you, Dr. Jones. I’m sorry I have to run out on you like this.”

“It’s no problem. Take care!”

Fumbling a bit, Yaz managed to grab both Thea’s hand and her phone and dial Gwen. She held Thea’s hand up to her face. “Gwen? Oh wait.” Yaz raised her phone to her face and started to guide Thea out by her hand. “Gwen. It’s Yaz. Masters is here. We’re heading outside now.”

“Slimy git,” Gwen muttered, loud enough for Thea to hear. “He must have snuck in the back. Are you being followed?”

“No, not yet at least,” Yaz answered. Her fingertips brushed over the broken skin on Thea’s knuckles. “Whoa. What happened there?”

“I may have punched him,” Thea replied. She was starting to feel bad for antagonizing him while her friend was trying her best to keep O away from her. “Right in the nose. Sorry.”

Yaz looked down at their intertwined hands in shock. “Don’t be sorry! That’s bloody amazing!” 

A small smile broke out on Thea’s face. “Thanks. It was pretty satisfying too.”

When they reached the double doors leading out, Yaz took one last look over her shoulder and around the room. There was still no sign of O. It made Thea nervous not knowing where he was or what he was doing. She grit her teeth and continued to follow Yaz outside into the parking lot. “Do you see him?” Yaz asked Gwen. 

“Still no sign of him,” Gwen replied. “He probably made a run for it. I’ll have some people sweep the area, but there’s not much we can do unless he actually comes for Thea.”

They reached the car, and Thea crawled into the passenger’s side. Yaz sat down next to her and started the engine. “Alright Gwen. I’ll call you when I get back to my flat.” She set her phone down and began to drive. Thea curled her legs up in her seat and leaned against her knees. She thought when she saw Masters again, she would feel angry and scared, but right now all she felt was numb. That wasn’t a feeling she knew how to deal with. 

Yaz looked at her with concern. “How are you holding up? Are you alright?” she asked. “I probably should have asked sooner, but once I heard you saw Masters I just got tunnel vision thinking about him.”

“Why?” Thea asked softly, watching Yaz carefully. 

“Because he makes me so angry,” Yaz explained. “I just- ugh! I want to kill him!”

“But why?” Thea pressed. “He hasn’t done anything to you.”

Yaz’s jaw clenched. “He hurt you, and that’s enough for me to want him in the ground. He’s just a bad man who hurts people and were it not for the laws of this land, I would bury him myself.”

Thea blinked slowly as she scanned Yaz’s face. “You’d really do that for me? Kill him, I mean?”

There was a brief moment of silence before Yaz answered. “Without hesitation.”

Her words were heavy. Thea leaned back against her seat and let them sink in. Yaz cared for her, and somehow she didn’t feel quite so numb anymore. “I don’t know,” she said. 

“What?”

“You asked if I was alright.”

“Oh.” Yaz paused. She steered through a right turn before glancing back over to Thea. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Thea shifted in her seat so that her legs crossed. “I do. I just don’t know what to say. I thought I would feel angry or scared when I saw O again, but right now all I feel is this deep loss. It’s like now everything’s gone, and there’s just emptiness where my life used to be. But it’s not all the way empty because you’re there, and that’s a good thing, but with all this that I’m feeling, or not feeling, I feel like I’m going to burst.”

Yaz’s eyes narrowed as she considered her reply. “You know, it’s okay to miss Masters- to miss O and the life you had while also recognizing that you can never go back. Perhaps I’ve given you the wrong impression. I’ve been overprotective to the point where I forget that it’s still your life and your decision, and you have to want this. Everything you’re feeling- including emptiness, because emptiness is just a feeling too like all the others- that matters.”

“It’s nice to have someone protective of me,” Thea admitted. 

“Well good, because I’m not going anywhere,” Yaz commented, smiling over at Thea, who laughed lightly in return. She wondered, was this what family felt like?

* * *

The nonstop yowling of Mr. Paws finally convinced Bill to pull herself away from the couch and into the kitchen. “Alright, alright, I’m feeding you. Relax.”

The scruffy tabby just meowed again as he watched her scoop food into his bowl, only resting his voice once he was able to shove food into his mouth. “You’re welcome,” she grumbled, but she smiled as she did so. “Ya bloody freeloader.”

Bill lived alone with her cat in a tiny flat nearby the university she worked at. It was cramped, but she enjoyed having her own space, even if she was constantly cleaning up cat hair. Now that she was dating Heather though, it might be time to start looking for a nicer place. It was still early, but she really saw herself staying with Heather for a long time. She’s dated before, but she’d never felt like this. It was exciting. 

A harsh knock on the door startled Bill and Mr. Paws. The latter yowled in complaint before going back to his food. Bill rolled her eyes and grumbled something about damn uni students trying to sell her stuff. She went to the door, opened it, and was surprised to see a much older man on the other side, luckily still on the other side of the screen. Her muscles tensed as she plastered a smile on her face. The screen door was still locked, thank God. “Can I help you?” she asked. 

“I sure hope so,” the man replied. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m looking for a friend of mine. She went off her meds recently, and I fear she may be in a bit of trouble. I’m so worried about her. All I want is to see her home safely.”

Something about him seemed familiar. Bill narrowed her eyes at him. Then it hit her: he was that rich Masters bloke from the news that bailed his way out of jail. Uneasiness churned in her stomach. “Well I doubt it, unless she’s a uni student.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small picture of Thea. Bill felt her insides turn cold as she tried to keep a poker face. “Please. Her name is Thea. I’m really scared that she’s been hurt. I just want to see her home safe. Her parents have been so worried too.”

“I’m afraid I don’t recognize her, mate,” Bill replied, meeting his eyes. While Masters was putting on a nice act, his eyes were void of any true emotion. He just stared at her, cold and calculating. Bill could tell that he didn’t quite believe her, but he took a step back anyways. 

“Well, thank you for trying,” Masters said, flashing her a charming smile. “I must be going now. So many places she could be, and I’ve got to find her as quick as possible before she ends up dead on the side of the road. Good evening.”

Bill shuddered as he walked away. The way he had spoken sounded more like a threat than concern. She didn’t move until she saw him go into his car and drive away. So, he wasn’t just asking around. He’d come directly to her. Someone must have seen them together at the shelter. In that case, she had a lot of people to warn. 

Once she’d locked the door, she sat on her couch and pulled out her phone. The first number she dialed was Thea’s. It rang for a few seconds before she answered. “Hey Bill. What’s up?”

“Hey. Um, listen. There’s a bit of a problem. It’s this Masters bloke. He’s looking for you.”

“What?” Thea asked. “Wait, how did you even know about that?”

“Because he just showed up on my bloody doorstep!” Bill exclaimed. “He had a picture of you and everything. He said he’s really worried about you. He’s trying to find you.”

“Shit,” Thea cursed. 

Some rustling was heard in the background. “What’s going on, Thea?” Bill heard Yaz asking. 

“I’ll tell you in a second!” Thea called back. “What did you tell him Bill?”

“Nothing,” Bill answered. “I pretended not to know you, but I don’t think he believed me. I knew something was off about him even before I recognized him from the news. He’s the one who hurt you, isn’t he? I’ve seen those bruises, Thea.”

There was a long pause. “Yes,” Thea answered softly. “He is.”

“I don’t know who else he’s gone to visit, but I’m going to call everyone from the shelter and warn them. Just stay safe, alright? I know you’ve got that cop watching your back but still, keep an eye out.”

“I will. Thank you Bill.”

After talking to Thea, Bill felt like a weight had been lifted from her stomach. She was still worried about her friend, but knowing Yaz was there to protect her eased her mind. Thinking about the two of them together, it felt like everything would be alright. 

* * *

“I just feel like I’m not doing enough!”

“You’re doing all that you can, Yaz,” Graham assured her. “Just ask Thea. I know she’d say the same.”

Yaz sighed and leaned back against the chair. She took another swig of wine before replying. “But that’s not good enough because he’s still out there. Maybe if I had gotten more evidence, they wouldn’t have let him out on bail.”

Graham sighed. “Yaz, you mustn't blame yourself. If he was able to get off on what evidence you had, he wouldn’t have gotten off on anything.”

“Are you saying he could have gotten off even if I had video evidence?” Yaz asked. She leaned forwards towards the wine bottle to pour herself another glass. “Because if that’s the case, how do I know that he’ll even go to jail? How do I know the judge won’t just let him walk?” She tipped her glass up, pouring the drink into her mouth.

“Well the judge is one thing, but no jury is going to find him innocent no matter how good his solicitor is,” Graham replied. “You’ll have the chance to state your case to the judge, and so will Thea and her doctor. That bastard’s not getting away this time.” He reached out and gently placed his hand over Yaz’s hand, blocking her from taking another drink. “And I think you’ve had enough of that for tonight.”

Yaz pulled her hand back, annoyed and still hanging onto her glass. “What are you, my dad?” she complained. 

“Maybe he’s right, Yaz.” She looked up, and Thea was watching them from the doorway. Thea walked forwards, placed a hand on Yaz’s shoulder, and used her other hand to gently take the wine glass from her. “Don’t want you being too hungover tomorrow. Besides, look at you. You’re all flushed.”

“Am not,” Yaz grumbled, pouting like a child. 

To her surprise, Thea actually laughed. It was a sound Yaz was hearing more lately, and she loved it. Thea took the wine bottle and moved it out of her reach. Yaz stood to follow, but the world started to spin around her, and she promptly sat back down. 

From the doorway, Ryan started to laugh. “Yaz, are you pissed mate?”

“‘M not pished!” she protested, then winced at the sound of her own voice. “Maybe that lassss one was too much.” The alcohol was starting to hit her now. Did Thea say she was flushed? She sure felt hot. She also was feeling the urge to confess her undying love for Thea. Also, her voice was incredibly amusing. She giggled a bit. “Pished, pished, pished, pished-“

Suddenly, Thea was at her side, wrapping her arm around her back and guiding Yaz’s arm to hang over her shoulder. Yaz let herself fall, leaning against Thea as the other woman pulled her into a standing position. “Let’s get you to bed,” she said. “It’s late, and I’m sure Graham wants to go home.”

“M’kay,” Yaz replied. She giggled again. “Wow, Thea. You smell. So good.”

Thea’s body shook a little as she tried to suppress her laughter. “Thank you. I do shower regularly.”

“Nonono,” Yaz protested, pulling away from Thea’s arms. It was very important that she knew this instant. She pointed at Thea’s face, hoping to get the point across. “You are the besht smelling person I have ever smelled.” Another giggle. “Smelled, smelled, smelled.”

“Uh-huh, and how many people have you smelled, Yaz?” Thea asked as she rewrapped her arms around Yaz’s back and continued pushing her to the bedroom. 

“Soooooo many,” Yaz replied, turning her head to look at Thea very seriously. “All those boys I dated- all disgusting. So shweaty.” Giggle. “Shweaty, shweaty, shweaty. But you! You smell like that one lip gloss I had as a kid and jusht loved to taste.”

Thea raised her eyebrows in amusement. “Lip gloss, huh?” They passed under the doorway into Yaz’s bedroom. Thea sat Yaz on the bed and closed the door. “Hold still. I’m gonna get you more comfortable.”

She set to removing the pins from Yaz’s hair, which felt amazing. Yaz moaned a little as she worked. And the lip gloss! She almost forgot about the lip gloss. With a dopey smile, Yaz reached up and touched a finger to Thea’s warm lips. “So soft,” she whispered. Thea’s body stiffened, and Yaz pulled away. “Sorry. You’re jusht so pretty.”

The other woman hesitated for a second. “Thank you,” she said softly. They both stayed quiet as Thea took Yaz’s jacket off and set it aside. “Is it alright if I help you out of your jeans?” Yaz nodded, and Thea reached down, nimble fingers undoing her button and zipper. She moved to the belt loops and gently pulled down while Yaz wiggled her legs free. Suddenly exhausted, Yaz flopped down against her pillow, and Thea brought the blanket up over her. “Sleep well, Yaz.”

The darkness was creeping up on Yaz fast as sleep called to her. She still had one more thing to say though as Thea walked away. “Love you, The,” she murmured before passing out. 

* * *

Sitting on the pull-out couch with the weighted blanket draped across her lap, Thea pondered her last interaction with the drunken Yaz. She’d never told anybody, but alcohol made her nervous. Part of the reason she’d intervened with Yaz was because she was scared of what the other woman might do, along with concern for her friend’s wellbeing. During her childhood, she’d been in many irresponsible foster homes where alcohol had been abused, but that wasn’t the worst of it. The worst of it was O. 

Her ex-boyfriend O was just a mean person in general, but he was an especially mean drunk. He hit her all the time, but when he was drunk he would scream at her and get really rough during sex. 

_“Just hold still and let me finish!”_

_“O, please, you’re hurting me.”_

_His hand closed around her neck, cutting off her air supply. “That’s better. You’re going to ruin the whole thing with your yapping.”_

_A couple hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she sat pinned and helpless until O finished inside her. Done using her, he pulled away and shoved her to the side. From there, she just curled up on her side, hugged her waist tightly, and cried until she passed out._

“Hey Thea, are you alright?” Ryan’s voice snapped her back to reality. 

“Hmm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just knackered is all,” Thea responded with a hesitant smile. 

Ryan frowned. “Yaz didn’t make you uncomfortable, did she? Sometimes when she has a little too much wine, she forgets what personal boundaries are.”

“No, nothing like that.” Thea shook her head. “It’s just... she called me pretty and touched my face. I thought everyone got angry when they drank, but she...”

“She’s an affectionate drunk,” Ryan finished. “We’ve all gotten used to it.”

_Would she ever get used to someone being nice?_

As Thea settled under her blanket and closed her eyes, one thought stayed in her head. 

_She said she loved me._


	9. i love you’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thea receives an unexpected but not unwelcome call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve set 20 chapters as an approximation for this fic. I’ll add more if it needs more.

_So no more I love you’s_

_It’s too easy to say_

_No more I love you’s_

_Until I’m okay_

_-Hailee Steinfeld_

  
“Hey The, I didn’t do anything too embarrassing when I was pissed, did I?” Yaz asked. It was her off day, and she had just gotten out of the shower. Her hair was freshly blown dry and hanging down in her face as she sat on the floor, spreading a bright green nail polish on her toenails. The weather was warming up, and Yaz planned to wear nothing on her feet but sandals when she was off duty. 

“Well if you did, you’ll see it on YouTube,” Thea answered, not even looking up from her coffee. 

“What?”

Thea laughed. “I’m teasing. You didn’t embarrass yourself. Or if you did, I at least wasn’t recording it.”

“Oh thanks, that makes me feel loads better,” Yaz quipped. She glanced over to her friend, who was now watching her in amusement. “You’re really not going to tell me what I said? Oh no, I didn’t start texting an ex, did I?”

“No,” Thea replied, still laughing. “Nothing bad. However, you did take a big whiff of me and tell me that I smell like kid’s lip gloss.” 

Yaz groaned. She could feel herself blushing furiously. “Well that’s a new one. Drunk Yaz is a sucker for pretty girls. Once Ryan told me I started sobbing because I loved another girl’s pink hair so much.”

The corners of Thea’s lips flicked upwards, and her cheeks turned a light pink shade. “You think I’m pretty?” she asked. 

Well, there was no point in lying. “Yes,” she answered, blushing a bit as well. 

“Aww, aren’t you sweet?”

The two started giggling just as Ryan walked into the room. “My ears aren’t burning, are they?” he asked. 

Yaz shook her head. “No, we were just discussing my drunken episode. Apparently I completely embarrassed myself.”

Ryan laughed loudly. “Of course you did, Yaz! You’re a hot mess when you drink!”

“Oi!” Yaz protested. There was no winning here, not now that Ryan and Thea had teamed up against her. She turned to the snickering Thea. “Stop encouraging him! I knew he was going to be a bad influence!” 

It struck Yaz just how nice it was to be relaxing at home with the only thing to worry about being her friends playfully teasing her. She felt cared for and safe. The monsters outside her door could wait just a little longer. And it was so nice to see Thea smile and laugh with them. 

“So, green toenails,” Ryan observed, changing the subject. “Is everything alright?”

Suddenly Yaz felt a slight tension in her stomach. “I’m not upset every time I paint my nails,” she answered. 

“I know,” Ryan replied softly. “Just looking out for my mate.”

Of course he was. He was a good mate. Yaz smiled at him before he left, off to spend time with other mates. Thea finished her coffee and moved to sit on the couch behind Yaz. She could feel her eyes burning into her back, no doubt questioning her last interaction with Ryan. “I know you have questions,” Yaz said. “You’re just too polite too ask.”

“Why did Ryan seem worried?” Thea asked. 

After spreading the last of her nail polish on her toes, Yaz closed the bottle and turned around to face Thea. “So, when I was in high school, I was diagnosed with depression,” she began. “My sweet, younger sister Sonya tried a lot just to cheer me up. One thing she would do is talk to me while painting my toenails. She wouldn’t ask any questions or expect a response. She would just talk and paint. Her company really helped me.”

Thea smiled softly. “Sounds like you have an excellent sister.”

“I do,” Yaz replied. “I guess now when I do this, it reminds me that there are people who love me, who care, and that those bad times are behind me now.”

“That’s beautiful,” Thea said. “I wish I had a sister like that.”

“You never had any siblings?”

“Oh, I had plenty of foster siblings,” Thea explained. “None of them were particularly kind though.” 

Yaz frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Thea shrugged. “It’s not their fault. We were all just innocent kids in a crappy situation. Although I wonder maybe if I had a friend in foster care, if I had someone’s back who had mine, if things would have turned out differently.”

An idea came to Yaz. “If you’d like, I can paint your toes too. That way when you see them, you remember that you have someone who cares about you and that the worst is behind you.”

She held her breath, hoping Thea wouldn’t laugh and tell her it was stupid. “I’d like that,” she said softly instead. Yaz smiled and gestured towards her bare feet, which Thea stretched out so Yaz could reach. She gently set one foot in her lap and began painting. 

A few minutes passed by in silence as Yaz worked until Thea’s ringtone broke the silence. Thea picked up her phone and got a strange expression on her face. “Is something wrong?” Yaz asked. 

“I recognize this number,” Thea explained. “It’s an old foster mum of mine.”

“You should answer it,” Yaz encouraged. 

Thea looked at her with a curious smile before answering. “Hello?”

Yaz could hear the woman on the other side. “Thea? It’s Tecteun. I’m so glad you answered.”

“Well, it’s been awhile,” Thea replied. 

“It has,” Tecteun agreed. “Have you been well?”

Thea hesitated before answering. “Not always. But I am now. Let’s see, my ex-boyfriend tried to kill me, and now I’m staying with a friend who also happens to be a cop.”

“Oh my god, Thea!”

“Yeah, i-i-it’s fine now,” Thea rushed out. “And I’m safe. Was there a reason you called?”

The other end of the phone was quiet for a moment. “Yes. I know you’ve never taken me up on my offer to meet up before, but I wanted to ask again. I still feel terrible about the way things ended.”

“Me too,” Thea replied. “Yeah, I’d like that. We should talk.”

“Really?” Tecteun sighed. “Oh thank you, Thea. You were always such a sweet girl. Do you want to meet me for lunch today? Or we can work something out tomorrow?”

“Today is fine,” Thea answered. “Where should I meet you?”

“There’s a nice little café down by Elm and Waverley. Can you meet me there at noon?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you then. Bye Tecteun.” 

Thea hung up her phone and set it to the side. By the time she was done with her conversation, Yaz had finished painting her toenails a bright green color. Thea wiggled her toes a bit, watching the light hit them. “They look great, Yaz. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Yaz replied. “I’m something of an expert, so if this cop thing doesn’t work out, I can make a living painting toes.”

The other woman snorted. “Well, you’re a pretty good cop, so I wouldn’t worry.” 

Yaz had to stifle a laugh at the fact that Thea Smith actually just _snorted_ at her. It was good to hear her laugh. She continued watching Yaz with an expression of wanting to ask something. She bit at her top lip and squinted. “Just ask me,” Yaz finally said. “I can tell there’s something bothering you.”

“When you were drunk the other night, you said something,” Thea began. “You said you loved me.”

“I did?”

“Yes. Did you mean it?”

“Well of course,” Yaz responded, frowning. “You’re my friend.”

“Right,” Thea said. “Your friend. Well, I just wanted to say, I love you too Yaz.”

Yaz grinned wide like a kid at Christmas. There was something in Thea’s eyes like a glimmer of disappointment when Yaz said they were friends that gave her the hope that maybe someday, they could be more. 

* * *

As she approached the little café, Thea’s stomach felt unsettled. She couldn’t even remember how long it had been since she had seen Tecteun last. How old had she been? Fifteen? Sixteen? Did it matter?

Yaz placed her hand on Thea’s arm and gently squeezed. “Are you going to be alright?”

“Yeah,” Thea answered. “It’s just, I haven’t seen this woman since I was a teenager and she kicked me out.”

“Why did she do that?” Yaz asked, frowning. 

“Because I broke another kid’s jaw. Doesn’t matter that it was in self defense. I was the new foster kid, so I was the troublemaker,” Thea answered bitterly. “I think I see her. Come on.”

On the other end of the room, an older woman sat at the corner table, grazing on chips. It was definitely Tecteun, just with grayer hair and deeper wrinkles. She looked rough, like the last however many years had not been kind to her. Yaz went to the counter to order coffee and sandwiches while Thea approached, pulled out a chair, and sat down. Tecteun looked up, surprised. “You came,” she said. “I was expecting you to stand me up.”

“I came,” Thea replied. She gestured to Yaz, who sat down next to her with their food and coffee. “This is my good friend, Yaz. I don’t know where I would be without her.” Well actually she did know that she’d be dead without Yaz, but she didn’t say it out loud. 

Tecteun turned to Yaz. “It’s so nice to meet you. Thank you so much for helping my daughter.”

“I’m not your daughter,” Thea cut in forcefully. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.“

She started to stand, but Tecteun held out her hand, and she paused. “I’m sorry,” the old woman said. “You’re right. But please, hear me out.”

“Alright,” Thea agreed, settling back in her chair. 

“I was wrong to kick you out,” Tecteun began. “I should have let you explain, but I didn’t. I knew what you’d been through. I promised that I would be better. I made plans to adopt you. And I failed you, Thea. I wanted to be the mother you never had, but when the time came, I wasn’t. By the time I realized my mistake, it was too late. You were gone off to another foster home in another city. Not a day goes by that I don’t think back to that and regret it.”

Thea wasn’t sure what she felt. Of course there was still anger and guilt and abandonment, but what she mostly felt was tired. “I appreciate the apology,” she said. “And I don’t know if I totally forgive you yet, but I’m going to work on it. I don’t want to have to carry your baggage around with me.”

Tecteun nodded. “You shouldn’t have to.”

The meal passed, and as Thea ate, she noticed that the tension in her stomach was gone. In fact, she felt a thousand tons lighter. She even smiled a bit, and Yaz smiled back in a proud way. Maybe this was what it felt like to heal. 


	10. this is war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not an expert with the court system, but I had google and did my best 🙈

_Stand down, cease fire_

_This is gonna be a good one_

_There’s no more desire_

_I’m not here to fuel your thrown_

_I’m here to win the crown_

_I’d like to see you take me down_

_The lies couldn’t shield you in the end_

_How long can you pretend?_

_Your defense isn’t bulletproof anymore_

_This is war_

_~Stateside_

  
The days passed by quickly lately. Since meeting up with her old foster mum, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of Thea’s shoulders. Of course O- no, Masters, was on her mind daily, but she didn’t see or hear anything of him. She supposed that was just a part of whatever sadistic mind game he was playing, but Thea wasn’t going to take the bait. 

The date of Masters’ trial grew nearer until finally it was here. Thea halfway expected him not to show, but he did. He grinned at her from across the court room. Normally it would make the hairs on Thea’s neck stand, but he just didn’t have the same effect on her anymore. 

“You have nothing to worry about,” the barrister, Ms. Vastra assured her. “I know how to read a jury, and I can already tell they’re sympathetic to you. Honestly, I don’t even know why Masters is bothering to fight at all instead of taking a plea deal.”

“It’s because of me,” Thea answered. “He thinks that he can just show up here, flash me that grin, get under my skin, and get me back under his control, but it won’t work this time.” She looked back to see Yaz glaring daggers at Masters. Her expression softened when she saw Thea look at her, and she gave Thea an encouraging smile. Yaz believed in her, and right now that was enough. 

The judge entered the courtroom, and it fell silent. She looked over to where Masters was sitting. “Owen Masters, you have been charged for the attempted murder of Altheta Smith, as well as several cases of assault. Mr. Barton, does your client understand the charges brought against him.”

“My client understands,” Barton answered. 

“And how does your client plead?”

“Not guilty.”

Thea risked a glance to the jury, most of whom were watching Masters, unimpressed with his cockiness. Masters just looked at them and grinned, and Thea swore she saw one of the jurors roll their eyes. 

“Very well. Baron?”

The solicitor gave a smug smile. “I’d like to call Owen Masters to the stand.” Masters just loved that, sauntering up to the stand like he owned the courtroom. “Please state your name for the record.”

“Owen Darius Masters.”

“Please state your relationship to the prosecutor,” Baron continued. 

“She’s my girlfriend. I love her,” Masters said, and Thea suppressed an eye roll. 

“Will you identify Altheta Smith to the jury?”

Masters pointed at her. “She’s there.”

“Now Masters, is it true that you provided for Ms. Smith financially?”

“It is,” Masters answers. “I let her stay in my penthouse, provided food, and everything she could possibly want.”

“You cared for her?” Baron asked. 

“Yes.”

“Loved her?”

“Yes,” Masters answered with as much fake emotion as he could muster. “I still do.”

“Did you have any motive to harm her?” Baron asked. 

“None at all. I love her.”

Thea suppressed a long groan. She was getting tired of the repetition. It was always his ‘I love you’s that kept drawing her back in. No more. 

“Any reason to want her dead?”

“God, no. I can’t imagine my life without her,” Masters said. 

Baron glance at the jury as if to make sure they were listening, then turned back to Masters. “Now, can you think of any reason Ms. Smith would want you out of the way?”

Masters sighed dramatically and frowned, pushing his eyes into the most pitiful expression he had. “I never wanted to believe it of my dear Altheta, but she’s always been greedy with my money.”

“Are you suggesting that Ms. Smith is after your money?” Baron questioned. 

“Yes,” Masters answered, and he hung his head. 

“No further questions,” Baron announced. “Next I would like to call Altheta Smith up to the stand.”

Thea rolled her eyes as she stood. She wasn’t surprised. Vastra had warned her that this would happen. She was still scared though, but she walked with her head high, trying not to let it show. 

Once she sat down, Baron began. “Will you please state your full name for the record?”

“Altheta Smith,” she answered. “But I’d prefer it if you call me Thea.”

Baron cocked an eyebrow. “Alright, Ms. Thea Smith. No middle name?”

“No,” Thea answered, shaking her head. “My parents never gave me one. It just says ‘Altheta Smith’ on my birth certificate.”

“Very well,” Baron replied. “I’ve been going over your hospital records, and they’re very interesting.”

Thea sighed. “Was that a question?”

“I agree with the witness,” the honorable judge reply. “Get to the question.”

Baron scowled for a moment before regaining his composure. He walked back to his desk and grabbed a stack of papers being held on a clipboard. “Now, your first visit to the hospital was on the seventeenth of November last year. You stated that you sustained injuries from a fall. Is that true?”

“I did say that, yes,” Thea answered. 

“But was it true?”

“No,” Thea said. 

“Then will you please tell the court what really did happen?” Baron asked, though it felt more like a demand. 

Thea cleared her throat nervously. “Masters punched me repeatedly in the face and ripped off my ear cuff.” Subconsciously, she reached up to touch her scarred ear.”

Baron smiled sickly, as if Thea had just given him everything he ever wanted. “And yet you told the doctors it was because you fell, correct?”

“Correct.”

“So were you lying then or now?” Baron asked. 

“Objection!” Vastra interjected. “He’s baiting the witness.”

“Sustained,” the judge agreed. “Move on, Baron.”

The solicitor scowled again before returning back to an eerie calm. “Why do you change the story now? Why did you not report it then, as you should have?”

“Because I loved him,” Thea said, the words leaving an awful taste in her mouth. “And because I thought he loved me too. I didn’t want him to go to prison or get hurt, and I didn’t want to be separated. But also because I was afraid he would hurt me if I said anything against him.”

“There’s a dozen similar instances here,” Baron replied, lifting the clipboard up. “Each time lists a fall as the cause of the injury. Were any of those true?”

“No,” Thea answered. 

“Do you accuse Mr. Masters for each incident?” Baron asked. 

“Yes.”

“So you lied to your doctors repeatedly, correct?”

“Yes,” Thea answered, her voice taking on a stern edge. “For the same reasons I’ve already listed.”

“Let’s talk about your living arrangements. Where did you stay over the course of your relationship with Mr. Masters?” Baron asked, changing the subject. 

“With him in his penthouse,” Thea replied. 

“It must have been a very different experience from moving around crowded foster homes. Did you like his penthouse?”

“I did.”

“Did you want to stay?” Baron asked. 

“Yes.”

“Was it full of expensive things?” Baron’s grin grew wider in a really unsettling way. 

Thea sighed and ran a hand over her face. “I don’t know. I suppose it must have been. It’s not like I would have been able to tell.” 

“But we can agree that Mr. Masters is very wealthy?” Baron asked. 

“Yes, but I think that’s common knowledge in this room, Mr. Baron.”

He snickered lightly. “And you wanted to stay?”

“Yes.”

“What would have happened if you and Mr. Masters broke up and you were kicked out of his penthouse?”

“Then I would have gone back to my tiny flat,” Thea answered. 

“And you would have lost access to a lot of the comforts Mr. Masters provided you, correct.”

“Define comforts.”

“Things you didn’t have to pay for,” Baron began. “Food. Electricity. Hot water. A roof over your head.”

Thea bit her lip nervously, accidentally digging into the skin a little too hard. “Y-yes.”

“And if Mr. Masters’ penthouse were to suddenly become vacant, like if he were in prison, who would move into that nice penthouse and look after that massive wealth of his?”

“Objection!” Vastra shouted, looking offended herself. 

“Sustained,” the judge replied immediately. “Move onto the facts, Baron.”

Instead of scowling, Baron smiled widely at Thea, then at the jury. “No further questions for Ms. Smith. Lastly, I would like to call PC Yasmin Khan to the stand.”

Thea did a speedwalk back to where she had been sitting with Vastra and glanced up at Yaz, approaching the stand. She nodded at Thea as if to say she had done a good job. Thea smiled, and Yaz smiled back before they both sat. 

Baron wasted no time. “Would you please state your name for the record?”

“Yasmin Umbreen Khan.”

“PC Khan, is it true that you arrived first on the scene of the alleged crime?” Baron asked, emphasizing the word ‘alleged.’

“I was not first to get to the building, but I was first to the penthouse Masters and The- um, Smith.”

“Is it true that you're working up for a big promotion?” Baron questioned. 

Yaz’s jaw was clenched as she watched him. “I don’t see how that’s relevant, but yes.”

“And a major case like this, putting a billionaire behind bars- well, that may just seal the deal, hmm?”

Meanwhile, Vastra looked like she was ready to pull her hair out. “Objection!”

“Sustained,” the judge agreed. “We’re not speculating. Final warning, Baron.”

Baron scowled again, lowering his head to hide it from the judge. Once he regained his composure again, he looked back at Yaz. “Describe to me what you saw when you arrived on the scene.”

“I saw Masters with his hands around Thea’s throat, holding her in the air,” Yaz grit out. 

“Were there any other witnesses? Or just you.”

“Just me,” Yaz replied. 

“And where is... _Thea_ staying now that she no longer lives with Masters?”

Yaz glanced nervously at Thea, then back to Baron. “With me,” she said. 

Baron turned back to the jury. “No further questions.”

The judge dismissed the courtroom, and Yaz ran to Thea. She threw her arms around the other woman and pulled her into a close hug. “I’m so sorry,” Yaz said. “I feel like I’m losing them.”

“You’re not,” Vastra replied, as Thea just brought her arms up to meet Yaz’s hug. “Don’t let Baron get under your skin. When we come back this afternoon, I guarantee you that we will have that jury eating out of the palms of Thea’s hands.“

Thea laughed lightly at that and pulled away from Yaz. “We’re going to win this, Yaz,” she said. “And then we’re going to be free.”


	11. do your worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial part 2

_Give me wings_

_Shoot me down_

_Catch me as I hit the ground_

_Do your worst to shut me up_

_That won’t make it stop_

_-Forever Still_

* * *

  
Thea’s heart pounded so hard in her chest that it hurt. She sat up on the stand, looking out at the jury. Their faces stayed impassive and unreadable, which only added to the anxiety. Then, she looked down at Yaz, who was smiling at her encouragingly. She took a deep breath. She could do this. Thea turned to Vastra and nodded. 

“Would you state your name for the record?” Vastra asked. 

“Altheta Smith,” Thea replied. “But I prefer to be called Thea.”

Vastra gave her a small smile. “Ms. Smith, will you please describe your relationship with Mr. Masters?”

Thea nodded. She kept her eyes on Vastra, not risking a glance at Masters. He would not control her. “He was my boyfriend,” she stated. “And he was abusive. He often caused me physical harm, and he tried to kill me.”

“Will you please describe the events that led to Mr. Masters arrest?” 

Her heart started to pound harder just thinking about it. “We had just gotten home from the hospital,” she began. “There was a police officer who gave me her number. Masters found out that I had saved it. I began to fear for my life, so I called the officer. Masters then grabbed my neck and tried to strangle me.”

A couple of gasps could be heard from the jury. Thea risked a glance at their various expressions of sympathy and horror. Good, she thought. They believed her. 

Vastra turned to the jury. “I believe my client’s story speaks for itself. No further questions.” She paused. “I would like to call Owen Masters to the stand.”

Thea sighed with relief and went to take her seat. Masters strode up to the stand, looking as cocky as ever. Clearly, he was prepared to lie through his teeth. Her stomach started to knot up with anxiety. She didn’t want to hear this, but she had to. She could do this. She could face him. 

Sensing her distress, Yaz placed her hand over Thea’s. “It will be alright,” she whispered. “The jury is on our side.”

Vastra began her line of questioning. “Mr. Masters, please describe your relationship with Ms. Smith.”

Masters shot Thea a nasty grin. “She is my girlfriend,” he replied. _Is. Present tense._ Thea rolled her eyes hard as he continued. “I love her. I have provided for her as best as I am able.”

“Did you ever physically assault Ms. Smith?”

“Never,” Masters declared. 

“Then how did Ms. Smith get injured so much more often when you two were together, as compared to before?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what to say. My Altheta’s clumsy. She was constantly falling over. Perhaps she was simply unused to an apartment that wasn’t bare.”

Vastra gave a look to the jury as if to say ‘can you believe this guy?’ Judging by their faces, the answer was ‘no.’

“And did she get those bruises on her neck from a fall?” Vastra asked dryly. 

“Yes.”

Unbelievable. “No further questions. I would like to call PC Yasmin Khan to the stand.”

Yaz walked up to the stand, shooting Masters a glare as she passed. “PC Khan,” Vastra began. “What led you to arrest Mr. Masters?”

“I saw him strangling Thea,” Yaz stated, her voice hard. “So I did my job.”

“Will you please describe your relationship with Ms. Smith?” Vastra asked. 

“We’re friends,” Yaz answered. “And as a woman and police officer, I feel the need to protect her from her abuser.”

“Why did you let Ms. Smith stay with you?”

Yaz hesitated for a second, considering her answer. “Because she had nowhere else to go, and the doctor didn’t want her to be alone.”

Thea smiled at the memory. Yaz hadn’t even hesitated to take her in. 

“Did you live alone?” Vastra continued. 

“No,” Yaz answered. “I have a flatmate. Ryan Sinclair.” 

“So Ms. Smith is not your first flatmate.”

“Objection!” Baron interrupted. “That wasn’t a question.”

“Sustained,” the judge replied. 

Vastra bowed her head. “My apologies, your Honour. No further questions. I would like to call Dr. Martha Jones to the stand.”

Yaz sat back down beside Thea and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Thank you,” Thea whispered. “You were great.”

Dr. Jones sat down in front of the courtroom looking calm and collected as if she had done this a million times before. Maybe she had. 

“Would you please state your name for the record?” Vastra asked. 

“Dr. Martha Francine Jones.”

“And would you please describe your relationship with Ms. Smith?”

The doctor nodded. “She’s my patient.”

“And what did you treat her for?” Vastra asked. 

“A concussion, some broken ribs, and severe trauma and bruising on her neck,” Dr. Jones answered. 

Most of the jury looked upset by this news. Vastra continued. “How was she injured?” 

“She was attacked,” Dr. Jones stated. “As a medical professional, the only way she could have gotten those marks on her neck is if someone strangled her.”

“But is it possible that she received that injury from a fall?” 

This was the moment of truth. Whatever Dr. Jones said next Thea was sure would make or break her case. 

“No,” Dr. Jones answered. “The area was too wide, and the bruising did not match the blunt force trauma of a fall.”

“No further questions.” 

Thea took a deep, shaky breath. The fate of her abuser now rested in the hands of the jury. 

* * *

It didn’t take long for the jury to come to a decision. As they walked back into the room, Thea tried to examine their faces. Most of them looked calm, though a few gave Masters a dirty look. 

One person stood while the others sat. She looked to be an older woman, perhaps in her 60s. She cleared her throat before speaking. “The jury finds Owen Masters guilty of all charges.” 

Guilty. Blood roared in Thea’s ears from all the day’s excitement. He was going to jail, and she was safe. He’d never touch her again. 

She turned to Yaz, and the two women beamed at each other. “We did it!” Thea exclaimed. 

“You did it,” Yaz corrected. “This would have never been possible without your bravery. I’m so proud of you.”

Thea threw herself at Yaz, hugging her tight. Yaz returned the embrace with equal ferocity. They had won. 

“We should go home and celebrate!” Yaz exclaimed. 

“Yeah, home,” Thea replied, her voice suddenly feeling pained. “About that. I think it’s time to return to mine.”

Yaz pulled away and looked at her in confusion, eyebrows scrunched up. “What do you mean?” she asked. 

“You’ve been great,” Thea said. “But I’m safe now. It’s time for me to get out of your hair. I can’t inconvenience you any longer, so I’m going back to my flat.”

Yaz’s mouth parted open as her eyes scanned Thea’s face like she was looking for the right words to say and couldn’t find any. “You were never an inconvenience,” she finally said. “I’ll miss you.”

Her words made Thea’s heart jump and stomach twist. “I’ll miss you too,” she said. “But I’m not far. You’re still my best mate, alright? Nothing will change that.”

That didn’t do much to comfort Yaz. Her dark eyes looked so sad, and Thea for the life of her couldn’t understand why. Shouldn’t Yaz be glad to get her flat back? And it wasn’t like Thea wouldn’t visit. She would visit as often as they wanted. 

“I don’t want you to go,” Yaz admitted softly. 

Thea’s heart ached. “I’m still here, sweetie. I just need some space to figure out who I am without other people around, and to do that I need to regain a sense of independence. I need to move back to my flat and return to work. But I swear to you that I will be there for you as often as you need me. I love you, Yaz, and I’m only a phone call away.”

The other woman teared up as she nodded. “I understand,” Yaz replied. “You need to do what’s best for you. And you’re not really going to be gone.”

“There’s no getting rid of me now, Yaz,” Thea teased lightly, causing Yaz to grin. She grabbed Yaz’s hands and squeezed tight. “We’ll be okay.” 

* * *

The air in her old flat felt stale from underuse. As soon as Thea stepped in, she turned her fan on to get the air circulating. The place was messy, just as she had left it. Dirty clothes were scattered around the floor. Thea started to gather them in a basket. She would start a load of laundry in the morning. 

It was late now, and Thea collapsed onto her bed. She was tired but still feeling giddy from the day’s events. Masters was in jail. She had gone over to have a celebratory dinner with Yaz, Ryan, and Ryan’s family. Grace and Graham had even brought over a cake. 

Thea kicked off her shoes and pushed herself up. She was going to brush her teeth and change into something more comfortable before she let herself sleep. Once done with that, she returned to bed and turned out the lights. 

Her heart was still pounding. As she lay there, all she could think about was Yaz. There was a reason Thea had wanted to come back here that she hadn’t told Yaz. She had developed a bloody massive crush on the other woman, and she needed to figure her feelings out before she acted on them. 

Why did she like Yaz? Was it because she had saved her life? Or was it because she was a kind-hearted, passionate, strong woman who Thea had come to respect, admire, and care for?

Staring at the ceiling, Thea began to hum an old song to herself. “Do I love you because you’re beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?”

Whatever the case may be, Thea wasn’t worried. She had plenty of time to figure it out. After all, Yaz wasn’t going anywhere. 

She had peaceful, happy dreams about Yaz that night. 

**Author's Note:**

> *end of B99 credits voice* I am not a doctor. Please forgive any medical inaccuracies. Google can only help me so much.
> 
> Did anyone catch the reference to Novice Hame from the 10th Doctor era? ;)


End file.
